You Must Be Some Kind of Therapist

Stephanie Winn: I've really been pouring my heart and soul into this course and community for parents called ROGD Repair. And I love the name ROGD Repair because it's about repairing what's broken in your world. I come from a holistic background, a family systems background, and I think that these young people are expressing a cry for help. You can't expect someone else to talk your kid out of this, but you can rely on the strength of your parent-child bond and Rely on your motivation, which is the greatest motivation of anyone in this world to do anything about this issue. You can rely on those forces to give you the fuel and momentum you need to learn some new approaches that take into consideration your child's psychological state. Don't go without resources. Don't wait till the last minute. Don't procrastinate any further. Get yourself some tools. You must be some kind of therapist. Hello everyone! I am so excited for today's episode. This is something I have been preparing for and working toward for a long time. In fact, At the risk of sounding grandiose, I am about to talk to you today about the essence of my life's work. I feel like everything I've been through up until this point is leading to this. If there is one episode of my podcast that you take seriously and share with a friend, Please, I humbly ask that it be this one. I think what I'm about to talk with you today about has the potential to help so many people and I'm so very proud and also nervous to share it with you. This is Unlike most of my episodes, a solo episode. And when I first started podcasting, I could not do solo episodes for the life of me. As long as I had another person there to talk to, I was fine. I could keep the conversation going. But if I ever tried to just talk to the camera, boy, did I ramble and lose my train of thought. So if you've been wondering how I've gotten more comfortable with it, it's not just all the time spent podcasting with other people. It's that I have been working on a series of videos despite my difficulty concentrating by myself. I've actually been recording dozens and dozens of lessons as part of this course, ROGD Repair, which I am going to tell you all about today. So What is ROGD repair? Well, as you probably already know, if you're a listener of this podcast, ROGD stands for rapid onset gender dysphoria. It's a term that was coined by physician and researcher Lisa Littman in 2018 and has taken off as a good way to summarize the concerns that a lot of parents and professionals have about these rapidly skyrocketing rates of youth going through these quick transformations, believing that they're trans, and then oftentimes requesting varying degrees of social and medical interventions to so-called affirm this identity. If you've ever listened to this podcast before, you know I'm very passionate about this issue. You know that when I started off this podcast, I didn't necessarily have in mind that it was going to be so focused on this issue. But it's really captured my attention and that of many of my guests on this show. When I do interviews, you might not be aware necessarily of the main focus of my work. But since I've been so heavily invested in this issue the past few years, it has taken up an increasing portion of my career to the point where now it's pretty much all I do is specifically help parents of trans-identified youth understand the psychology of their child's state of mind and understand approaches to communication that have a better chance of impacting them. than what the parents have tried before. This has become the main thing I do. I don't do therapy anymore. It's not because I've lost my license, as some activists would like to believe. My license is fine. I've just decided that what people really need is education and guidance They don't need me to sit there listening, staying neatly within the bounds of therapy. So I have a whole different informed consent and intake process for consulting than I do for therapy. And I've set aside therapy to just focus on this issue. I initially made that change earlier this year because of health reasons, but as I cleared of my former patients from my plate, transferring them to other providers, only focusing on consulting, it really gave me the space as I started to heal from my medical issues to go into greater depth about what do these families really need. And as I was focusing so intensively on this issue of helping ROGD parents, I noticed a lot of common themes. So there are certain psychology concepts and communication skills that I was explaining to parents over and over and every new family I worked with helped me learn new things and gain new insights into what is going on in the minds of these trans identified young people and how how do we help them while preserving their long-term health and fertility. So as I was consulting with parents I started this private little thing called a sharecast on the app Marco Polo that I would just share the link with people I knew so they could access it and I would just kind of record videos spontaneously oftentimes kind of you know between meetings when I had something to say you know, maybe some insight that came from consulting with one family that I thought another family might want to hear. And I just kept recording more and more of these videos and they were they were casual, they were just kind of on the fly. Some of them I'm recording them while I'm going for a walk. And after doing this a while, I realized I think I'm ready to prepare a formal course. It just so happened that I was also going through an online course. I'm not really somebody with a history of doing a lot of online courses. But a colleague had recommended a course for people with chronic health issues that helped us learn how practices that regulate the nervous system could help with the healing of our chronic health issues. I did that course for a little while, a few months. It was called Primal Trust. I didn't finish the program, but it was an excellent program. It was done on a platform called Simplero. And as impressed as I was with what Dr. Kat of Primal Trust had to say with regard to her field of expertise, I realized in doing her course that I had just as much knowledge and expertise with regard to my particular subject. And there are a lot of people eager for these tools. Meanwhile, the rates that I needed to charge to make a living given the limits of my time and energy and the demands of my lifestyle. meant that the tools that I was teaching in consulting were only available to people who could afford it, or some people weren't able to meet with me as often as they would like to. So I thought it really feels necessary to put these concepts into something that anyone can sign up for at a price they can afford. Now you might be thinking, well, why not a book? And I had started writing a book a couple years ago, but I think I ran into a few issues. One is an issue of my patience and executive functioning ability. The fact that I do better listening and speaking. than reading and writing, although I'm a good writer, but it just takes time and I'm much more kind of fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of person, so I'm more of a talker. And another thing is with books, I didn't want to reinvent the wheel. There have been several excellent books written about this issue. I really, I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes here or compete with any of my colleagues. But I think I have a unique voice in the particular collection of psychology concepts and communication techniques that I have sort of curated based on my own interests as well as the needs of my clients. And so I wanted to do something different from what had already been done and put these tools all in one place organize them in a way that families could go through interactively as well. That interactive component was important to me. It was important that it be something that was living and breathing, that I could keep adding to, that people could comment on, that it have almost like a workbook type feature. I wanted the course to be as close as possible to what the consulting process is like. I wanted to be able not only to teach people concepts, but then to ask them questions to reflect on either with their spouse or with a buddy that they're doing the program with or in writing straight in the program. There is a space to write into the program. I really wanted to give people questions to reflect on and ask themselves how these concepts and tools might apply to their family, to their child, to their approach to communication and that way people can really get the most out of the course and make it the most sort of like what you would get out of coaching. So for all these reasons I chose the course format and I experimented with free trials of several different types of software. I landed on a particular program that had most of the features I was looking for. And I started building my course. And this was several months ago. And once I started building it, I could not stop. I just had so much information that I wanted to put in the course. I have no idea how many hours a week I've been working just sort of whenever I can recording videos, writing essays, organizing the questions, building the community side of the course that people can go and post in the forums. have really been pouring my heart and soul into this course and community for parents called ROGD Repair. And I love the name ROGD Repair because it's about repairing what's broken in your world. I come from a holistic background, a family systems background, and I think that these young people are expressing a cry for help. Now if you've been listening long enough that you heard episode 110, The Nature of the Beast of Gender Ideology, then you know about some of the friendly fire I have faced, some of the flak I've taken, from people I would have thought would have been more on my side with these issues. And I didn't name names then, and I'm not going to name names now. But I can say that my family systems approach is part of where I diverge from some other people who also care about this issue. And as I explained in episode 110, the nature of the beast of gender ideology, I do believe that there's something uniquely evil about what's going on with gender ideology and that the heart of that evil is the unrelenting punishment of people for making a simple mistake on account of their being human. When I say I would have been one of these kids, I mean, I had all the same flaws and vulnerabilities as they did. And I did make mistakes that did have some lasting consequences for my life. Like, for instance, I got a tattoo when I was young that I had to have lasered off and that was expensive and painful. But it's nothing like the cost of making a mistake for these kids today. And so let's apply that to the parents as well. Right? People got mad at me for saying that the parents have anything to do with it. And it's like, no, you misunderstand me. I don't believe that anybody is perfect. And I do believe that most parents would give their life for their child. But I think that where gender ideology has preyed on these kids, we need to look at the cracks where it got in, we need to look at the vulnerabilities, and sometimes that includes something in the family system where if it weren't for this uniquely evil force that is designed to punish people for the rest of their lives based on mistakes they made when they were young, then it might have been some other kind of mental health condition or eating disorder or addiction or something like that. Right. That's where the family systems view comes in and says, in some ways, this isn't too different from how we would look at, you know, the family of an anorexic, for instance. So it is an opportunity to fix what's within your control to fix, because you, the parent, the adult are the one seeking help. Although I'm fortunate enough to know some colleagues doing good work, ultimately I can't put a lot of faith in therapists to get you and your kid out of this situation, especially if your kid doesn't think that they or their so-called gender identity are the problem here. You can't expect someone else to talk your kid out of this, but you can rely on the strength of your parent-child bond and rely on your motivation, which is the greatest motivation of anyone in this world to do anything about this issue. You can rely on those forces to give you the fuel and momentum you need to learn some new approaches. that take into consideration your child's psychological state. See, part of the problem of how you got here as an ROGD parent is that gender ideology, well, for one, it doesn't operate alone. It's part of what I call a trifecta. And ROGD repair is based on the trifecta model. So the trifecta is gender ideology in combination with cluster B personality traits, and particular beliefs about social justice aka wokeness. So we're really talking about these three things working together to create a perfect storm that is designed to prey on the minds of young vulnerable people just like your kids. The trifecta is designed to take advantage of your kids psychological vulnerabilities such as their youthful hubris, impulsivity, black and white thinking, and know-it-all attitude. This is what makes ROGD Repair unique, is that it is a toolkit that also takes your kids' particular disposition and vulnerabilities into consideration when formulating approaches for how to talk to them. So with that in mind, let me tell you a few of the places that I've had to sort of course-correct some of the very well-meaning, kind-hearted, and intelligent people who have come to me for help. I'm going to go over some common mistakes ROGD parents make, so that you understand, in part, the value of what I'm trying to sell you with this ROGD repair program, that it's not just about reinventing the wheel, okay? This is not just another book or podcast, although there are excellent books or podcasts, okay? I'm not, I'm not, putting those down in any way. But this is not another resource that's just going to explain why gender ideology and medicalization are harmful. You don't need more information, unless you're brand new to this. But many of you are veterans of the gender wars. You might not need any more information about how and why it's harmful. And that information, after a certain point, can get you really down and affect your own psychological state in a way that's not productive, OK? This course is designed to give you what you need and to tell you why certain approaches aren't going to work. Certain approaches I do not blame you for trying, I do not judge you for trying, it totally makes sense coming from a naive perspective why you would try some of these things, okay? But I am giving you the gift of bringing my particular perspective on psychology and communication to understand why those things don't work so that you understand in this sales pitch I'm giving you why ROGD repair does stand a chance at working, why we're going to try different approaches that work with rather than against your kid's psychology. Okay, so without further ado, what doesn't work? You might be surprised by this one, talking to your kids about detransitioners, showing them videos about detransitioners, that kind of stuff. Now you might be surprised, because you're like, but Stephanie, you interview detransitioners. Yeah, I care about detransitioners, and I interview them so that people like you… who have already decided to do their research and are already probably on the gender critical side can understand more about their perspective and so that people in the mental health field who listen to my podcast can understand what detransitioners go through and what they need. Just because I interview detransitioners doesn't mean I think that you should talk to your trans identified kids about detransitioners. there's a difference. My podcast is not for trans identified kids, okay? Unfortunately, most trans identified young people would never listen to this. And in fact, if you let them know that you listen to my podcast, that's going to be another brick in the wall between you two. Unless they're on the more open side. I mean, your mileage may vary. So this is not a blanket statement. But most of the families that I know, who have tried with the best of intentions to talk to their kids about detransitioners or show them detrans videos, it has not gone the way they hoped. Let's look at the hopes and expectations versus the reality. Okay, the hope and expectation is that your kid would have a moment of, oh, wow, that could be me. But in order for your kid to have that moment of, wow, that could be me, maybe I should slow down, maybe I shouldn't do this. Your kid would have to have the humility to recognize their shared humanity with someone who's in a really humbled, unfortunate position who says, I made a mistake. I was fooled. I was tricked. I was harmed. That is not in alignment with how your kid wants to see themselves, is it? No, your kid wants to see themselves as smart. and as morally as well as intellectually superior. Now, there are some kids that have more compassion for detransitioners than others. So take into consideration your child's personality. But generally, your kid does not want you to try to make a connection between them and detransitioners because it conflicts with their self-image. their self-image as someone who is sure of themselves is not vulnerable enough to be so stupid to be fooled into something to making such a major mistake about who they are and what they want to do with their body. So as a parent, you try to tell your kids about detransitioners or show them and you're hoping they're going, wow, oh, I, you know, I'm just like where they were five years ago. And now look where they are. Oh, that could happen to me. That's not the reaction you're going to get from the average trans identified kid. The reaction you're going to get is the walls are going to go up. and your mention of detransitioners is going to be seen as a so-called right-wing dog whistle and you are going to be branded as transphobic and they're going to be more guarded against this perception that you see them as someone who could be fooled. So what should you do instead? Well in my course I have a lesson on this so I'm just giving you a little taste about why you shouldn't talk about detransitioners necessarily unless your kid brings it up or unless there are certain personality traits or other things. But you should actually talk about trans people. You should express your concern for trans people based on information that people who still identify as trans have shared about what they go through medically. This is a lot harder to argue with for your kids, okay? because if if you show that you care about trans people you're essentially sending your your kids tribal black and white unconscious mind the signal i'm one of the good people i'm on your side okay i care about the people you see as victims or the people you see as good people if you are expressing genuine care and respect for trans identified people, don't use the term trans identified people. Okay, I just say trans people, I'm saying trans identified people, because this is you and me workshopping behind the scenes, you get the difference there. You express concern for trans people, it's a lot harder to label you a transphobic bigot. Now, isn't it right. And it's true, you do care about these people who are being harmed. Okay. So the things that you express concern about, see the difference between a trans person and a detransitioner person is it's a label. It's a state of mind. It's how that person sees themself. It's a psychological difference. It's not necessarily a physical difference. Detransitioners might very well be in a really similar physical state. to trans people. I mean, obviously, you know, length of time that's passed since they stopped taking hormones, you know, that kind of stuff might create a bit of a distance there. But if you're talking about, you know, what people are suffering from physically, and your concerns about these substances and these surgeries on young, otherwise healthy bodies, express your concern for trans people and for what they go through. Now, what kind of concerns? Here's sort of moving on to point two, concerns that have to do with pain and embarrassment in the near future. Again, your mileage may vary, you might have a precocious kid who is very health conscious and thinks about long term consequences of their actions. But for most young people who are impulsive, you know, they're going to respond much differently with regard to things that would be painful or embarrassing in the next year or two of their life, compared to what your very understandable concerns are. about what could happen 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years down the line, okay? So yes, we know that these drugs increase the risk of cancer, cardiovascular disease, metabolic disease, bone disease, like every kind of disease, early death, suicide, like we know that. And there is a time and place for talking with your kids about those things, especially if you can get to a point in the conversation after using many other tools that I teach, where you can really ask them to see it from your perspective of how worried you are as a parent. Yes, there's a time for talking about that long-term stuff. But if we're just talking general advice of what tends to go over better, what tends to be more likely to give a kid pause, it would be how are you going to deal with the incontinence, you know, the pelvic pain, the bladder pain, the clitoral enlargement. Incontinence is a big one because it's very embarrassing, right? And that's not something a young person wants to feel. The erectile dysfunction, okay, if your kid already has joint problems, the joint pain from the inflammatory effect of the testosterone. And Now part of how I worded that goes on to another one of my tips, which is about framing things like your kid already knows it. Okay, so the the mistake, the third mistake that parents make. So the first mistake was talking to your kids about detransitioners when you could talk to them about trans people. The second mistake was talking to them about long-term consequences when you could talk to them about pain and embarrassment in the near future. The third mistake is presenting information as if you are trying to convince your kid of something you think they don't know. The better way to do it is to present information in a way that implies you see your kid as a very intelligent, well-researched person who must already know this, and you're just trying to understand how it seems worth it to them in the context of them knowing this. So this gets into something I call altercasting in the course, which is one of the techniques that has to do with putting your kid in a position of appealing to their ego, their self-concept, appealing to their qualities that they want to see in themselves, and appealing to the qualities you want to see in them too, and making those positive qualities work for you so that you can lean into them, rather than doing things that might actually have the effect of putting your kid in a position where they think that you think they're stupid. which is going to make their walls go up, right? So when you present information, it's not, I really need you to understand that you haven't done your research and that this is going to cause incontinence. No, it's not that. It's, I just, I'm so, I'm sorry. I know that you don't want to talk to me about this, but I just can't understand why you would want to, you know, do something to your body that's going to, you know, potentially make you like pee yourself. I mean, you must have already thought about this since you seem so sure that you want to go on these drugs. You see how different that is? It's a really different approach to sharing the same information, but you're putting your kid in the position of ICU as smart rather than ICU as dumb. Okay? So those are just a few examples. Those are sort of like top three things right off the bat of like, Oh, you shouldn't be doing because here's, it's not going to work, but here's what you should do instead. But now I'd like to share some pages from the ROGD Repair website. And so for those of you who are on YouTube, you'll be able to see this on your screen. For those of you who are listening, I'm going to try to share it in a way that you can get all the information you need just from listening. So I might be reading from some of the pages. So first I'm sharing the page that you will see if you go to ROGDRepair.com. This is sort of your landing page. and I'm going to read you what's on it. Your kid says they're trans, but you just want them to be healthy and safe. You've read all the books, listened to all the podcasts, but how do you get through to your child? ROGD Repair is a course for parents that begins where other resources end, combining the psychology and communication tools you need. Is your young adult caught up in the trifecta of social contagion? Gender identity ideology works in combination with two other factors, certain beliefs about social justice that are anything but, and cluster B personality traits. Together, these form the perfect storm, transmitting through peers, internet, and social media. It's not just a phase. The trifecta has a powerful pull on young adult psychology, and numerous societal factors are working against you. Unaddressed, this can lead to permanent medical harm at the hands of unscrupulous doctors coming to your child before he or she even has reached cognitive maturity. ROGD Repair is the first resource for parents that addresses all three of these facets together. ROGD Repair will teach you to work with your child's ego, not against it. At this young stage of life, under the influence of the trifecta, your child's sense of self likely hinges on a sense of being morally and intellectually superior to other people, especially those who don't share their beliefs, and most of all you. This is where many parents get stuck. How do you convince a headstrong teen or 20-something that they've been fooled and caught up in a destructive lie? You don't. You come at it from a different angle, one that appeals to their self-image while restoring their relationship with you, their loving parents. This program will show you how. The good news is you can simultaneously stop walking on eggshells and stop struggling to prove your point in ways that contradict your child's self-image. This course will teach you how to do just that, taking into account your adolescent or young adult child's state of mind, developmental stage, the false self persona they have created, and the influence of confounding variables such as autism, internet addiction, and sibling relationships. I will help you formulate unique applications of time-tested communication strategies based on a thorough understanding of the types of psychological barriers your children have put up that prevent them from hearing you. Now there's a lot more on this page, as you can see if you're on YouTube, but I'm not going to read it all to you right now. I will, however, skip to the what's in the course section so that you understand how this course is designed. What will your experience be if you sign up for it? So there are videos, essays, and questions for reflection, plus community. And now I'm going to hop on over to the curriculum. So here on the screen, you can see our initial curriculum overview that first appears on this sales page. But now I'm going to move the screen share over to what you will see if you sign up for the course. So see right here on the sales page, while we're still here, you can see all of the lessons that have currently been published. Right now, I think we have over 90 lessons already. So lessons have videos that, you know, some videos are less than a minute, some videos are 20 minutes or a little bit longer, and then they have essays and reflection questions. And now I'm going to stop this screen share and start a new screen share on the Student view. All right, so this is what you would see if you were a student. This is sort of your home page for the course. You can see at the top there's wherever you left off. It'll encourage you to start that lesson, but you can also scroll down to see all the lessons ahead and you can hop around. You can use command F to hit find if you're looking for a certain term, if you want to see where that is. Oftentimes when I'm consulting with families, I've wanted to refer them to particular lessons. And if they were among my beta testers, then I would say, go ahead and skip to this lesson. And it just feels so good now that this is out there in the world. I've started to have my first experiences. of being able to talk to a consulting client who I know is in this course, and we're talking about what they're going through this particular week, and I say, hey, I really want you to go and do these three lessons this week. So yes, you can skip around. At the same time, the information is presented in a certain order for a reason. So I encourage you to do it in that order. But if there's something ahead that you think would be especially relevant, you can hop around. You can also redo lessons as many times as you want. And if you're looking at all of this thinking, this is all really overwhelming, you have this little drop down button for each section. And that can minimize it to make it look visually less overwhelming and help you sort information according to where you are in the course. Now, I will keep building this. So at the time of launch, August 2024, there are already 90 lessons or so in here. And I have a list of more than 60 that I still want to cover. But there's so much great material in here that I wanted to go ahead and release it into the wild, even though I will still keep building it. So if you're in the course, you can expect there to be new modules. That's these kind of bold sections here popping up. So for example, one of the next modules I'm going to add is female-specific issues. I will also have a male-specific issues one. But as of today, I just recorded a video on the importance of understanding your daughter's menstrual cycle. Not just the menstrual part, but actually all four stages of her monthly hormonal fluctuations. and how those impact her mood, how you can time important conversations, how you can teach her self-care during her luteal phase, all that kind of stuff. That's going to be the first video that I post in the new female-specific issues section that, as of the time of recording this video that I'm recording right now, isn't even on here yet. So all of this will change and grow, but this is your overview of what's currently here. As you can see on the right side of the page, it shows you how far you are through the course. and you have this button to the community section and then you have the little bio for me. So I'm not going to show you the community section right now just because there are people posting personal information in there and I don't want to put that on a video to share with the world, but rest assured there are forums for all kinds of stuff. So there's a general chat forum, there's several different types of forums for giving you different types of feedback about what you want to see added to the course or what you think needs to be fixed about the course, you know, bugs and stuff. There's a regional connections area. I'm looking forward as we have more people join the course to, you know, sort of posting so you can find regional buddies and so on. So the whole community side of things, definitely a big part of what we do here at ROGD Repair, but I'm not going to show you that for the sake of today's video. What I'm most interested in showing you is what's actually in the course. So I'm going to go over these section by section. We have your introduction, where you will learn how to use this course, what motivated me to create this course, and some of my personal and professional background. My philosophy and approach, where I help you just kind of ground and orient to why I approach things the way I do. For example, one parent really found it helpful for me to articulate that part of my philosophy is that if your kid is going to desist, it needs to feel like their own idea. You know, of course, if they're an adult and out of your care, that's the only way it's going to happen. But even if they are a teenager, it needs to feel like their own idea. So, you know, we're not just using coercion to create resentment here. We're using much more refined techniques to actually improve your relationships with your kids. So the philosophy and approach section is where I explain just where I'm coming from philosophically. Then I have the section of let's address your fears about suicide and self-harm. I was really careful in how I did this. I had all these different topics I wanted to cover with regard to suicide and self-harm, but I'm moving very slowly, sort of tiptoeing through that territory because this is an educational resource. This is not therapy. And so I have a video just on addressing suicide responsibly. And then right now my only other video in that section is about making sure self-injury is against the rules in your home. Next, we have general attitudes, habits, and mindset shifts to adopt as you go through the course. So I talk about giving up wishful thinking, which sort of meets some parents at that stage of denial or wanting it to go away and helps sort of correct for some of the faulty thinking around that. Realigning with your core values to find strength and guidance. Marathon mindset, being in it for the long haul. The importance of slowing down, attuning to recognize opportunities. This is really important because it all comes down to that dance of attunement with your child and restoring relational harmony. And a lot of parents are so worried about their kids, paradoxically, that they miss important opportunities because they were too stressed to recognize that their kid actually said something really interesting that they could have picked up on and just, you know, said something really like, oh, wow, tell me more. Okay, lifestyle changes. Now, this one little section, lifestyle changes, a brief overview of adjustments to make, that's where you'll find all the advice that you find everywhere else, okay? This is where you find, like, make sure that they're getting good nutrition, exercise, you know, getting outside, less screen time, all that kind of stuff, like, volunteer in your community, encourage healthy friendships, like, that is the stuff that everyone else will tell you to do. which is nice if you can do it, a lot of that does not apply to parents who have older kids, which I often work with parents who have college-age or later kids. So I'm not just going to limit this course to things you can do if your kid is a minor under your care. And also, most of this is about how. Even if your kid does live with you, How do you go about reducing screen time? That's where I teach the boundary setting communication techniques so that that conversation goes over well. So everything else you'll find everywhere else is mostly in the lifestyle changes section. Then I talk about adopting a posture of non-defensiveness to soothe, de-escalate, and model healthy interactions. Carrying yourself with dignity through assertive self-respect. Remembering you are the adult. Thinking symbolically and finding helpful analogies. So this is about choosing metaphors that give you strength and guidance and perspective in this journey. Taking the next step in the dance. So again, it's about restoring relational attunement. Being willing to self-reflect on blind spots and shadows. Modeling and reflecting on matters of grace and forgiveness. Now this one is really important. because I want you to think about it this way. You are asking your kid to admit they were wrong. You are asking a young person to admit they were wrong about something as major and as consequential as who they are and as what they've permanently done to their bodies in some cases or what they thought about doing. That's a really big ask. That is a really, really big ask. And some of us have a hard time admitting that we were wrong about much smaller things, and we're adults. So this is reminding you, you need to be the model for the kind of change you want to see with regard to completely different things to make it easy to create the right environment where your kids understand that they will be accepted and forgiven and that their foibles will be seen in a loving light. Stop desperately attempting to persuade is the next lesson. That's a really important one. Parents really shoot themselves in the foot with that without this sort of corrective lens. Refrain from bribing, bargaining, and coercing. You'd be surprised how many stories I hear of parents using financial leverage or even like you know, the reward of moving further in the direction of transing in exchange for doing something like working with a therapist of the parent's choosing or watching detransitioner videos or yeah, don't do that. I have much better techniques for you than that in this course, okay? avoiding long, unreciprocated texts and emails, stopping losing control of your emotions and behavior, being wary of trusting the wrong people and making yourself a target. This is where I vary from a lot of other people with regard to my stance on activism. My stance on activism is, if you have the energy for activism after you've gotten your family to safety, great. Don't reveal all your cards to the school administrator in a blue state if for all you know they have a trans kid and they're like waving the rainbow flag. So this one is really about protecting yourself and being smart who you share what information with and not taking on battles that you're not prepared to follow through on or that could make things worse for you. Okay, going down the list still, when it comes to faith, show, don't tell. Embrace nuance to allow for hope. Don't over-give, enable bad behavior, or tolerate abuse. Get your priorities straight, and be circumspect with regard to your own activism. Now before I continue down the list, you're like, is this just like a list of tips? Stephanie, no. I'm going to show you what one of these looks like if we press Start. So let's say I'm pressing Start and take the next step in the dance. All right, so you will see that there's a video. And then there is, oh, look, I chose one without much of an essay. Some of them have a longer essay. This one is just a short word. And then questions for reflection. So this is where you see the question, and then you ideally talk to your spouse about it. That's the best way to do this course. But you can also type your answers in a journal entry to reflect on what has been expressed in the video or the essay. So you go through these questions, you can talk with your spouse, you can talk with a friend you're doing this course with, and then you can post a discussion comment. So I'm not going to show you individual participants' comments, but I can tell you that if you're watching on video, you see this little discussion section. I'm really happy to see some of the comments that are coming in. If you join this course, you certainly won't be alone. There are other parents in here. who are sharing their reflections on these questions as well. Okay, so that's what the inside of one of these lessons looks like. And you can see that while you're in the lesson, your navigation is here on the left. So the whole course overview is on your left, or click the little home button to go back to that overview that we were just looking at. All right, so I was reading you the titles of really one of the earlier modules, which is General Attitudes, Habits, and Mindset Shifts to Adopt as you go through this course. Then I have a quick little check-in to say, if you are enjoying this course, here is your referral link. Give a friend a 10% discount. You get 10% credit, stuff like that. And if you guys are thinking, like, if you're interested in being affiliates, if you truly believe in the value of this program, I'm happy to give you your own affiliate link and coupon code so we can create a win-win situation. Moving forward, here's our next section, relevant psychological concepts affecting your family. So let me read you some of the titles and just like we did with the last section every now and then I'll pause to expand on that concept a little bit. Double binds when you're caught between a rock and a hard place. Double binds are a huge part of being an ROGD parent and this is going to change your life when you learn how to recognize that you are in a double bind and handle it differently. All right, neuroplasticity, addiction, and obsessive compulsive patterns. This is honestly one of my favorite lessons. It really ties together a lot of concepts about how our brains work and what it has to do with your kid. Is gender dysphoria egocentronic or egodistonic? You might remember that from my conversation with Nicholas Blooms. Cognitive dissonance, conflicting beliefs pervade gender ideology. That's really tied in with the double binds concept. Secondary gain, the hidden benefits of suffering. Adopting the language of parts. The sunk cost fallacy, why we continue when our behaviors don't pay off. The hot cold empathy gap, why we're terrible at predicting our future responses. Identity, confidence, and competence, the crux of what your child truly needs. The default mode network versus task positive network, impacts on depression and anxiety. A paradox of choice, the illusion that more options equals more happiness. Psychological differentiation, an often missing skill in immature youth. Extinction bursts versus intermittent rewards in behavioral psychology. Dissociation, your child's mind-body disconnect. Code switching, how we navigate different social environments. And finally, a lesson I had fun making, preference falsification, the emperor's new clothes, and drag queens. Alright, so those are just some of the psychology concepts that I think are very relevant to understanding what's going on with your trans-identified child. And then we dig in to Cluster B. So the next module is really just the beginning. As you can see, there's seven lessons in the Cluster B module. I'm sure this will continue to grow. So this is what makes this course unique, is that I acknowledge that there are very high rates of Cluster B personality disorders in trans-identified people, and that even those without the personality disorders definitely have those traits. And learning to recognize and deal with those traits is a really important piece So what's in this section? I'll read the titles again. Cluster B personality traits and behaviors, a brief introduction and overview. Get out of the fog, F-O-G, of emotional blackmail. By the way, that stands for fear, obligation, and guilt. Grandiosity, a feature of narcissism or just immaturity. Projection, when your child's emotions are now yours. Depressed, depleted narcissism, woe is me. The drama triangle, victim, persecutor, and rescuer. A funhouse mirror warning when both sides point the narcissist finger. Then I have communication broken into two sections. So communication 101 is asserting boundaries. So this is all about boundaries and the basics of assertive communication. So we have an overview. Then we have healthy boundaries and consequences, the customer service attitude, and being life's messenger. Distinguish between your boundaries and your opinions. By the way, this is so important for making sure that boundaries are understood as boundaries and go over well. You really need to differentiate when you're communicating with your child about where you're saying this is how it's going to be from now on versus this is what I think. Those are two different statements. A lot of people get them mixed up. Front load disappointing news to reduce anxiety. Set boundaries using the broken record technique. Strategic apologizing, a helpful tool for delivering hard news, and absorb the blows preemptively, conduct an accusation audit. So this is your basic toolkit with regard to assertive communication. I can't stress the importance of strategic apologizing. It's a really great tool that I teach over and over again for how to frame telling your kids something that they don't want to hear. It's basically you are saying, I am sorry, but you're taking responsibility for creating the narrative about exactly what you did wrong. So, for example, strategic apologizing with regard to screen time would be, I'm really sorry that I need to take away your cell phone or that I need to enforce whatever the limits might be. You know, I realize that this feels like a loss to you right at a time in life that you're wanting more independence and more freedom. It probably feels to you like we're going backwards. That includes a little bit of an accusation on it, by the way. But my mistake was in giving you access to this in the first place, or rather giving the world access to you through this device. I didn't know when I was doing that, what I know now about just how much it's keeping you up late at night, how the whole world has access to you, how much it seems to be pulling you away from our family. how addictive this is. I didn't know those things at the time. I was just wanting to make sure you could keep in touch with your friends during the pandemic. So I do understand that this feels like going backwards, but I hope that one day you'll understand why I feel the need to take this away for now. It's not a punishment. So that's an example of one form of strategic apologizing. There's lots of ways to use this tool, but it's basically an assertive communication technique that says, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to do something you're not going to like. My mistake was in fill in the blank. OK, great tool. Next module, communication 102, effective strategies and approaches. I'm going to read the titles again. Nonverbal communication and your nervous system. This lesson is really important because it's about not just how you say something, but the way you say, or excuse me, It's about not just what you say, because a lot of this is written and it's like specific language, but it's about how you say it. It's about how you are self-regulating your nervous system, how you're coming across, how you and your kid are co-regulating each other, and so on. OK, then I have some more advanced techniques, like working with the ego, altercasting, and playing dumb. So this is about, again, putting yourself in that one down position so that you're not triggering their defense of, what do you think I'm stupid? And instead, appealing to them and their sense of moral and intellectual superiority, as well as appealing to their good qualities or the qualities that you'd like to see in them or that they'd like to see in themselves. Curiosity without agreement, reflective listening with differentiation. Changing the pattern when all you can control is your own predictability, this is a big one a lot of parents miss, you are predictable to your child. And in some families, everything is just kind of really stuck in this stagnant locked in pattern. Sometimes the only thing you can do is recognize the ways in which you are predictable and shake that up. Because it's just, it's the only thing that's going to get your kids attention. If you act completely different from what they're expecting of you, now they're actually like, what's up with mom? And then, well, at least something's changing, OK? So this is, again, what makes this course unique. One of the things that makes this course unique is that it includes what you can do if your kid is like 25 and almost completely estranged from you, OK? Things you can change up even when there's very little else within your control. Dropping defensiveness, fessing up, you caught me. Reflective listening and empathic guesses. Therapeutic communication to reduce defensiveness is a big thing. Like throughout the course, it's all about reducing defensiveness. Resist the urge to overshare. Make them ask for information instead. I know it sounds super counterintuitive, but I swear it goes much better that way. You actually express hesitancy about sharing information. Wait until they are basically begging you for it. OK, make no work for you. Use no oriented questions. By the way, this is one of several techniques that I got from Chris Voss. Chris Voss is the hostage negotiation expert. He turned business negotiation expert. His techniques are really great, and I have adopted several of them for ROGD communication in this course. Next, pose moral dilemmas and invite critical thinking. Near future pain and embarrassment are more palpable to teens than long-term problems. Use accurate language, avoid cliches. Leave reading material lying around so kids can peruse unselfconsciously. Use what and how questions rather than why. So important for reducing defensiveness. When someone asks you why you did something, you immediately feel a little defensive and then you go looking for a narrative that may or may not be the truth. So I teach you some different ways of approaching questions. Set aside talk of detransitioners, express concern for trans people instead. You remember me talking about that at the beginning. um then it's sort of a repeat of the earlier lesson emphasize near-term pain and embarrassment over long-term medical consequences and depersonalize it invite opinions on what others should do in other words um i guess part of my philosophy behind this just so you know is that teenagers and young adults are very sensitive to the sense of being scrutinized they're very sensitive to embarrassment i have a whole philosophy as to why it's because they're in a process of transformation and if you imagine like the metaphor of the caterpillar going into the chrysalis in order to become the butterfly, well you may or may not be aware that every cell in that caterpillar's body completely liquefies and the walls of the chrysalis are the only thing containing that goop. So it has to turn into nothing but a soup of imaginal cells in order to eventually reform itself into something beautiful and break free of that. And so do you think of adolescence and young adulthood as a time of intense transformation? That's part of why they're also walled off and sensitive to scrutiny because they're like, I'm a work in progress. I don't know what I am yet. So that's part of why I chose the symbol of the butterfly. If you're here on video and you can see what's going on, um, my RG repair logo. is a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis so it's about like we understand that this youth is under construction and how do we help them reform into the most beautiful and wonderful and healthy version of themselves. All right getting towards the bottom here for now there would definitely be more sections added continuously and that's why this is a membership not a one-time fee because you know you get get access to everything that keeps coming out plus the community and maybe some more features down the line, depending on how many people join and what they want. So towards the end here, we have gaining further insight into your child and what you can do. So some of the lessons there are detecting hidden signs of ambivalence and doubt. This is key, by the way. Your kids are acting overly certain because they're actually uncertain. So I will teach you how to recognize their signs of uncertainty and appeal to that within them. It has to feel like their own idea, OK? What's in a name? This is where we reflect on your child's chosen name and the symbolism in there. The idea that bad things won't happen to my friends, the idea of the right side of history, and one of my personal favorite mouthfuls, gameable heuristics, when mental shortcuts create exploitable loopholes. Then we have examining myths embedded in gender ideology, so those where I break down like trans exceptionalism, the myth of a special kind of human, the myth of mind-body separation, and the myth that trans people definitely won't want children. Stories and examples, that's a section to be determined to come later. And then we have closing remarks, which is sort of closing remarks for now. So thank you for your patience, as I've just shown you the whole thing. Actually, let me just give you one more example, because the example I pulled up earlier didn't have an essay component. So if we open nonverbal communication in your nervous system, I think this is one of those heavier, more content heavy things. So now you can see, if you are watching on YouTube, I'm scrolling through. um some of the the written portions there's a lot of variation in the length of the videos and the length of the written portion so this is what a longer one looks like all right and i'm going to end the screen share now so guys this is my life's work i know i'm not done yet but this is pretty much the pinnacle of everything that life has prepared me for this is my unique service and um And I am just so excited and relieved and grateful to be able to offer ROGD Repair, my unique offering to the world. This is like taking the coaching and consulting that I've been doing and expanding it so that it's available to a much wider audience. I know that a significant portion of the people listening to this podcast are ROGD parents. This course is for you. Do not hesitate to sign up, okay? I know some of you have been following me for a while and I get it that you don't feel like you can afford to pay my rates when it comes to consulting. I do get that. I probably wouldn't be able to pay my rates either unless I was really desperate for the help. But the problem is that sometimes people come to me so late in the game and there's always this like ticking clock And there's some milestone that's about to happen. You know, a common example of this is the kid is about to go to college or about to turn 18. But I've even had people contact me like the week before their kid was scheduled for a surgery. And I felt so badly because if I'd really been working with them for a while, I would have more confidence that, you know, maybe there's a way that I could help them figure out how to talk to their particular kid. But, you know, in that case, I mean, we had one hour to talk for me to, you know, even just meet this parent and find out who are you? Who is your child? What is motivating them? And yeah, I didn't have a magic wand to stop that surgery from happening the following week. And you know, none of this is medical advice. None of this is a solution. None of this is a magic wand. Okay, it's just an educational resource with the best I can possibly offer you. And the reason I'm sharing about these, you know, 11th hour situations that come up is that it does wear on my heart, and I really want people to be as prepared as possible. One great piece of feedback I got from one of my beta testers of this course was that this is a good preventative tool as well for people who think that their kid could be at risk. This is a way to sort of get ahead of the issue. So please don't procrastinate. Maybe you thought, I really want to talk to Stephanie about my kid, but I don't know, it's $250. Like, okay, I get that. Well, RG Repair is a lot less than that. And you can do, I mean, you can spend hours going through these tools on your own. You can really make this course into your own personalized coaching program by taking it seriously. Go through the lessons, watch the videos, read the essays, reflect on those questions. That is your homework. Reflect on those questions and don't just think about it. Talk to your spouse, find a buddy, use my forums to find a buddy who wants to go through this with you, whether it's somebody who lives in the same region, whether it's somebody whose kid is the same age and sex or has a similar profile to yours, or whether it's just another parent who also happens to be available Thursdays at 6pm Eastern, whatever the deal is, you know, find someone to do this program with, or use the built in writing feature, where you can type in your answers and treat it like a journal. That's if you're single or divorced or you don't have anyone to do this with. That is how you're going to get the most out of this program. like having a personal coach. And please be proactive, please do not delay. Don't wish this away, you are up against some really powerful forces. Okay. So wherever you are in this process, if you know if it does feel like the 11th hour, you need this course yesterday. But you know, even if you're just listening to my podcast, because you have a kid that you think might be the slightest bit vulnerable to this, you can do this as a preventative. The other thing is if you are a therapist or, you know, other concerned citizen that wants to help ROGD parents or wants to help families, you know, reach out to me if you're in that situation for a unique discount code so that, you know, you can learn in your own way. But speaking of discount codes, OK, if you are a parent and you want to do this course, I am offering right now a one-time special offer that I'm never going to offer again. It is for the first 100 people to sign up post-beta. So my beta testers don't count. So there's already been people going through the course, OK? You will not be the first to comment. You will not be alone. I've already gotten feedback from some wonderful people. But now that it's public, you can use promo code FIRST100 to take 50% off every month. So remember, it's a subscription, OK? The total subscription is a monthly price of $129 a month. That's $129 US per month. There may be sales tax, depending on where you live. I'm in Oregon. There's no sales tax here. Um, but I've been seeing charges come in cause I don't know how this works. And like some of them has sales tax and some of them don't. Anyway, minus sales tax, it's one 29. Okay. And that is you get access to the whole course as long as you need to be there. And then the community. And then I'll just keep adding stuff. And I do have other discount codes. I will be giving out other discount codes, and I'll tell you those that allow you to take a good discount off your first month. Like, for example, for the rest of 2024, code SOMETHERAPIST2024 will take 50% off your first month. OK? And if you are an influencer, if you want to be an affiliate, you want your own code, you want your own affiliate link, you know, any of that kind of stuff, reach out to me. I only promote and recommend things I truly believe in and things I truly use. If it is advertised on this podcast, it's because I believe in it. That's my personal ethos. Same thing. I am recommending this to you because I believe it has serious transformational potential to save lives. And I want you to help me promote this if you also feel the same way. So anyway, I'm offering the first 100 people in this launch phase 50% off every month that you stay enrolled. So remember I said the price is $129. That brings it down to $64.50 a month. for as long as you stay enrolled. Okay, whether that's one month, three months, eight months, it's always going to be 6450 a month with this code first 100. That is f i r s t 100. First 100 will get you 50% off forever for as long as you choose to stay in the program. And that is only going to the first 100 people to use that code. So it's a first come first serve, because I really am so eager to see my first 100 people join. And just to see this community actually take off and to see people using the program and getting great feedback so far. I have just heard so many words of encouragement from my beta feedback test, excuse me, my beta testers. So Be one of the first 100, and you don't have to worry about the price ever going higher than that. Of course, if you terminate your membership and start again, you won't be able to use it. But basically, I want to get you through this crisis. However long it takes, that's how long it takes. I don't know how long it would take to go through the program, because I'm not moving at your pace. I had one parent that did the whole thing in less than a month. But she was also kind of like binging. And, you know, the whole point is like, slow down, incorporate the advice, reflect on the questions. And it's, you know, it's going to be a marathon, not a sprint. So I want it to be comfortable to stay for several months. So use first 100 to be one of the first 100 people. As of right now, I'm recording this on August 17, and releasing it August 26. I launched the course yesterday, August 16th. I wasn't going to, but it was ROGD Awareness Day and I woke up and realized, you know what, I have enough pieces here that I can actually go ahead and launch. It'll just be a soft launch. I don't have the podcast episode ready. That's what I'm recording now. So I've given this code out and already a handful of people have used it. So the majority of the codes are still available as of the time of this episode release. If you've ever thought that you need my help with this issue, go now to ROGrepair.com Click the button to enroll and at checkout put first 100. I am not a salesperson. I am surprised to hear myself sounding like a salesperson. That is how much I believe in this. And if you have listened to my podcast for a long time, you know I'm a very authentic and sincere person. So I believe in this wholeheartedly. I've poured my heart and soul into these tools. This is the culmination of all my life experiences and professional experiences. People are saying this is, you're not going to find this anywhere else. In fact, I will read quotes on what people are saying about this course in just a moment. Anyway, use the code FIRST100. If that code is used up, if that code doesn't work, it's because you didn't make it in the FIRST100. So use code SOMETHERAPIST2024. That's all one word, Sumtherapist2024. And that'll get you 50% off your first month. And then if you're a therapist who wants to learn these tools, or if you're an influencer who thinks you might want to recommend this and promote it, go ahead and contact me. You can email me, hello at sumtherapist.com. I will find some kind of way to hook you up. I do have barriers in place for reasons because I don't want just anybody accessing this course and community, but I'm happy to make it accessible to people who are, you know, really trying to learn something so that they can help someone or people who might want to help me spread the word about this. So this is supposed to be a game changer. OK, this is meant to be a total game changer. This is an under-resourced community. They just got a lot more resourced. All right, let's go ahead and read what people are saying. Now, if you join the course, you will find yourself looking at the community whenever you choose to check that out. Like I said, I was not going to show you the community today because I don't want to show you individuals. Now I did ask everyone to either use a pseudonym or use just their first name because I don't want anyone sharing their identifying information, anything that could be used to identify them or identify who's in their family. I do want the community to be a place people can share details about their family situation, but nothing that could be pinned on anyone. So I was very careful, even though people had a lot of great things to say to me in our meetings, in our groups, and in, you know, throughout the course, I had a designated spot in the forums, like please leave comments that I can use to promote this here in this spot and tell me, you know, exactly what you'd be comfortable with me sharing and what name you want attributed to it. So I want to be super respectful of people's privacy. So, so far I got two of those come in from some of the people who are some of the earliest people to like actually go through the course. And I'm going to go ahead and read you those two reviews. All right, so Here's review number one. The ROGD Repair course and community have been immeasurably helpful for my husband and I. We actually look forward to listening and reflecting on the materials. Stephanie's wisdom and experience has been priceless in keeping us sane as we live each day processing this situation. We are so glad we found her soon after our son's coming out to us. I am confident that this course has kept us from saying and doing things we would have regretted. Christy C. Santa Cruz, California. And number two, this course is brimming with eye-opening information from a perspective that is just not being covered elsewhere. It is richly insightful and practical at the same time and is an incredibly valuable resource for learning how to strengthen your relationship with your child and approach the subject of gender in a way that has the best chance of getting through to them. If we had had this information five years ago, I believe we may have been able to not only prevent our son going deeper into the ideology and getting on hormones, but even more fundamentally, help him out of the unhealthy psychological patterns that got us into this in the first place. Only a month into learning these concepts, they have already helped us to have conversations we should have had long ago. Courtney S. Boston, Massachusetts. So I'm looking forward to more of those coming in. I feel very assured that they will, based on what people have been saying. I know I am shamelessly self-promoting and tooting my own horn, but seriously, if there was ever a good reason for me to do it, it's now. This is my life's work. I feel so blessed. It has not come without a huge share of hardships. Please do not envy me. I know that when someone achieves success, there is a danger of people seeing them with envy. I am a human. I have my own problems. If you join the course, you will hear my video on which. Like I made one today. It's not in the course yet. It'll be in the course probably by the time you hear this episode and sign up for the course. But like today I did a lesson on the menstrual cycle. And I was like, brace yourselves dads, you got to learn about the stuff for your daughter's sake. And I shared some very personal information about how much I have suffered in that, and you guys know I've suffered from health issues, you guys know I have my quirks and my flaws, so please don't hate me for being successful or promoting myself, but this is honestly something that really deserves to see the light of day. I'm not just saying that to promote myself, I don't like promoting myself, but I have honestly no qualms with shameless self-promotion right now because ROGD repair is something that can help a lot of people. This is a really, really valuable tool in the gender wars. Okay, this is not activism. This is smart strategy. This is working smarter, not harder. This is giving yourself hope. As a parent navigating this while confronting the reality of the situation, this helps you find that perfect balance, thread that needle, walk that tightrope marathon. I never give up on hope on my patients when I'm a therapist. And now that I'm a consultant, I won't give up hope on you either. So I'm always going to be looking for what you can do. and this is my best attempt at that and I hope that you enjoyed and felt excited and enticed by the overview of what's in the course today and understand that there's so much more to come. When you join the course you can even open the lesson at the very or near the end as well as some stuff in the forums about what else I hope to cover in the future because there's just so much more education to be provided on this subject This gives you all the tools so that you can really customize the concepts that resonate for you, the things you think illuminate your particular family situation, and the tools that are going to be the right combination for your personality, for getting through to your kid based on their personality. And I'm so excited to finally have a place that I can send people and to finally have a place that I can, you know, every time I have the inspiration to share a new insight on this issue, it's going into ROGD Repair. So head on over to ROGDRepair.com and use code FIRST100 if you're one of the lucky FIRST100 people to use this code. And if that doesn't work, use code SOMETHERAPIST2024. Please, if you've ever considered sharing an episode of my podcast or sharing anything I've had to say, please share this. It's going to be a game changer. And that's it. So tell the world about ROGD Repair and check it out if you need it. Don't go without resources. Don't wait till the last minute. Don't procrastinate any further. Get yourself some tools. This is really going to change the landscape of families battling gender ideology. And this is going to help kids be healthy long into the future. I hope you enjoyed this episode of You Must Be Some Kind of Therapist podcast. To check out my book recommendations, articles, wellness products, guest episodes on other podcasts, consulting services, and lots more, visit SomeTherapist.com or follow me on Twitter or Instagram at SomeTherapist. If you'd like to go deeper, join my community at somekindoftherapist.locals.com. Members can dialogue with other listeners, post questions for upcoming podcast guests to respond to, or ask questions for me to respond to in exclusive members-only Q&A live streams. To learn more about the gender crisis, watch our film, No Way Back, The Reality of Gender-Affirming Care, at nowaybackfilm.com. Special thanks to Joey Pecoraro for our theme song, Half Awake. If you appreciate this podcast and want more people to find it, kindly take a moment to rate, review, like, comment, and share on your platforms of choice. Of course, just because I am some therapist doesn't mean I'm your therapist. This podcast is not a substitute for medical advice. If you need help, ask your doctor or browse your local therapists online. And whatever you do next, please take care of yourself. Eat well, sleep well, move your body, get outside, and tell someone you love them. You're worth it.