You Must Be Some Kind of Therapist

Swell AI Transcript: 139. Solo Episode.mp3
SPEAKER_00:
You must be some kind of therapist. Hello, we're doing something a bit different today. It's a solo episode in which I'll be explaining some very good news for anyone who's in need of help communicating with and understanding their trans-identified child, who could be an adolescent or a young adult. So I've talked about the ROGD Repair program here before and today I will be talking again about what ROGD Repair is and an exciting announcement that ROGD Repair now has a scholarship program thanks to the generosity of an anonymous donor. So in this episode I'll be doing a brief overview of what is in ROGD Repair and what the scholarship program is that we're announcing today. So in case you haven't heard, ROGD Repair, well, that stands for Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria Repair. The term ROGD, Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria, was originally coined in 2018 by physician and researcher Dr. Lisa Littman. So ROGD Repair is a name that I came up with for the program. I combine all of my insights on this topic for parents who are turning to me for help. If you are a parent or you know a parent or another, let's say, concerned loved one or adult relative who has someone in your life that is an adolescent or a young adult who is confused about matters of sex and gender, this program is for you. It's about what you can control, which is your own mindset and how you approach the relationship, how you're communicating with that person, how you're understanding their state of mind, how you're approaching them. It's a comprehensive program. It is a self-guided online course anyone can sign up for at any time by visiting ROGDRepair.com. So when you sign up for the course, you get immediate access to… I'm trying to think of the number. I didn't actually look it up before recording this episode. At this point, there's at least 120 lessons in there. So what do I say? What do I mean when I say lesson? So each lesson consists of a video, a written portion, some reflection questions for your personal reflection, and a community discussion section. And there's also separately community discussion forums. These lessons are organized into modules, sort of loose groupings and a rough order that I think you ought to go in, but you can really go in any order. I just ask you to please not skip at least the introduction video and understand that the course is best done if you can take the time to go through things approximately in order, understanding that some lessons will have a lot more relevance to you than others. So, going through some of the lessons earlier on, there will be general principles that are good sort of foundational concepts for understanding some of the things that will come later. And you'll also encounter some material that might feel like it applies more to parents in a situation different than yours because, of course, your mileage may vary. So how did I come up with this? Well, I have been talking to hundreds of families in this situation. As a licensed marriage and family therapist, there were many years of my career that I worked with trans-identified people under the so-called affirmation model. I was taught that what was best for these patients was to affirm their identity. Thankfully, I never went on to do the next level training that would have had me actually writing these letters according to the WPATH so-called standards of care, which I believe they were on standards of care seven or maybe six when I was doing this. But so I worked with trans-identified adolescents and young adults and middle-aged adults, frankly, in that context for many years, until I understood what that creeping, nagging suspicion that something wasn't right, until I understood what that was about by learning about detransitioners. So there was that clinical experience. Then there was other clinical experience in my therapy career, working with families. and working with the parents of these youth. And then there was a gradual shift in my career over the years where I started adding on a consulting practice. And eventually, I have paused on doing therapy. So I'm not currently doing therapy at all. I have just exclusively been focusing on this issue. So for almost all of this year, because we're releasing this episode towards the end of 2024, so almost all of this year, I have spent exclusively as sort of my main thing that I do with my time, consulting with parents of trans-identified youth. So I don't work with the youth directly. I work with the parents. And I shifted from therapy to consulting for a few reasons. Some of it has to do with my health and time. And a lot of it has to do with the recognition that these parents need educational guidance more than they need therapy. in the traditional sense of what therapy is. These parents need help understanding some of the things that have taken me years to understand, years of working in this field with regard to the narratives out there, the mindset, what's affecting these young people psychologically, the family communication dynamics, all of this stuff. Parents need educational guidance, and they're coming from a place of being concerned for their kids and trying to improve their relationship and trying to maximize their chances of being able to get through to their kids effectively with their concerns to help protect their kids' health and futures. So I shifted from doing therapy with these parents to consulting with these parents. So overall, years of experience, both clinical and educational consultation experience with families like yours, and a lot of practice, a lot of trial and error, a lot of getting feedback from families on what has worked, what hasn't worked, what's gone badly in their communication, what they'd like to go differently. and applying basically everything I've learned throughout my whole life about psychology and communication to helping in these very particular types of situations that come up for these families. So after, you know, just so many hundreds of these meetings where I was learning along with the families that I was working with, I decided to put these tools into a program and that program is ROGD Repair. So when you sign up for ROGD Repair, you get instant access to this 120, 130 something lessons, right? So I was explaining there's a video and those videos might range in length from I think the shortest is under a minute and the longest is almost an hour. I'd say the average video is probably 15 or 20 minutes. And it's just me talking like this. For the more recent videos I've uploaded, there is also a transcript because one of the students said that they would like to have a transcript. So some of the videos have subtitles and transcripts. And if there are any particular videos that don't have those and you're in the course and you would really like a transcript from that, I can put in a little time and add a transcript for you. Okay? The written portion that goes with the video, sometimes it's just a brief summary of what's in the video and sometimes it's a little more in-depth elaboration on some of the concepts I touched on in the video. So no matter what kind of learning learner you are, whether you're more of an auditory or a visual, whether you prefer to listen or to read, there should be something there for you. And then there are reflection questions and that's where I think you're really going to get the most value out of the class because The reflection questions guide you to apply these concepts to your family. So to really reflect on the person that you're worried about and maybe some other people in your family as well, like your relationship with your spouse, your other children, you know, how family dynamics are affecting things, but primarily looking through the lens of how does my child that I'm worried about think and feel? And how might this approach land with them? So there's a lot of questions really help you personalize the material so that this program is as close to consulting or coaching as it could possibly be, right? Not all concepts will apply equally. And so in some lessons, I have at the top an explanation of who is this for? You know, so for some of them, it's like parents of children under 18 who are still in the home, parents who are working on, you know, setting more boundaries with regard to screen time or something, which of course you can only do if your child is a minor living with you. For others, I might say, you know, who this is for? This is for parents of, you know, young adult males who are away at college who might be medicalizing behind your back or something like that, right? And then of course, regardless of the demographics or living situation of your child, there's also personality traits, relationship stuff, things like that. So for every piece of advice I give in the course, there's also gonna be an exception to the rule. And so I definitely encourage people to use your own judgment, trust your instincts, take everything with a grain of salt, realize not everything's gonna apply to you, but there are a lot of great tools in there. So I hope that you would kind of go through at least some of the foundational pieces and then give yourself the freedom to hop around to the parts that interest you the most. A little bit more about sort of how to navigate the program. It is built using a teaching platform. That also has an app, so you could download that app and access these videos on the go. Now, on the go, you're not going to get access to all the written portion, the questions, and then the separate community forum discussion side of the course. So what I've recommended to some families is, let's say you have one login for you and your spouse, and you are really, really dedicated to getting all the help you can with this issue, but your spouse is very busy or has limited bandwidth or gets easily overwhelmed. In that situation, I would say, well, you know, why don't you be the primary person who goes through the course, but have your spouse log in, download the app. And when you find a lesson that seems like it particularly applies to your situation, then just tell your spouse to check out that lesson on the mobile app while they're going for a walk or driving or doing the dishes or something like that. And the reflection questions, those are sort of best optimally done with your spouse so that you could talk these things over and get that shared insight into your kid, your family, the approach that you want to take. But there's also space in the program to journal and just sort of type into the class your own personal thoughts. And only you can see those. I can see those if I look for them, but I have to, I have to go through a whole process to look for them. I've never done that for any, any student. And then if there's anything you want to share with other students in the program, separately from your private reflection space, there's also comments. And I just love seeing those comments come in because you see what people are honestly struggling with, but you also see their insights as to how these concepts and tools can apply to their family. And that's great to see. There's also a whole separate community discussion. So each individual lesson has its community discussion and there's also community discussion forums. So for like general posts or questions about things that aren't in the program or feedback about how I can improve it. And on that note, I'm always improving it. So I'm always building onto the course. When I launched this course in August of 2024, I can't remember the number of lessons. It was like between 80 and 100. And now it's between 120 and 130. So I definitely add frequently. Some people have suggested that I add on a more consistent schedule, like once a week or something like that. But I just kind of release stuff as soon as it's ready. So sometimes I'll have a week where I'm inspired to make five whole lessons and I'll add five lessons in a week. And there might be two weeks before I add a lesson again. It's just kind of like that. Now, let me tell you a little bit about the scholarship program, because I've talked about RGG Repair before. But let me explain this very exciting news, because this is really the meat of this episode, what I wanted to announce. So a generous, anonymous donor has reached out to me and said that he would like to help make this program available to more families. And after some back and forth, we figured out what that might look like. So on behalf of this generous anonymous donor, I would like to announce that 15 families can now have access to this program for one month each who otherwise would not have been able to afford this program. So if you or someone you know or someone you care about is spread thin financially and would like to be able to do a program like this and would sincerely engage in it, but does not have the means, this is for you or for that person that you have in mind. So please go ahead and share this episode. I have no idea how long it'll take to get through all of the scholarship opportunities. Honestly, I could get several applications in one week or it could stretch out over the next year. I don't know. It just kind of really depends on how far this episode reaches, so even if you're listening to this episode a month or two after this was announced, go ahead and share it anyway because there's a chance that some of these scholarships are still available. So to explain a little bit, ROGD Repair is a monthly subscription service and most people join and stay for a few months, some leave after a month, some stay, well I would say some stay longer, but it's only been available three months. That's as long as it's been out. available to the public anyway. I did have some beta testers who have left and some who have stayed. So it is a subscription-based service and the reason for that is that I'm always adding new content. So the scholarship is to give one month free to 15 families. And normally I offer a discount code that people can use to try their first month for half price. So that discount code this year through my podcast has been SomeTherapist2024. I will soon be launching SomeTherapist2025. Each of those codes will take 50% off your first month. And I have various affiliates. So maybe the word is starting to get around depending on other people you follow are also starting to get their own promo codes that you can also use to take 50% off your first month. But the scholarship program makes the program completely free for one month for 15 families who need it. Now that being said, we do have to have some kind of screening criteria to make sure that this is really going to people who need it and will actually use the program because if you're anything like me, sometimes you sign up for things and don't use them. And I have had people sign up for the program and not use it. I think the rate of that happening in ROGD repair is a little bit lower than with certain other things that people sign up for and don't use because there is just such an urgent emotional need driving people. to look for this kind of help. So I do see a lot of people engaging really sincerely and earnestly. I've seen people complete the whole program. The number one piece of feedback I've heard from people who have done this program is, I wish I had these tools sooner. People have said like, if I'd had this five years ago when my kid first so-called came out, I might have been able to avoid a lot of missteps that I made and potentially prevent them from going down this path. A lot of people feel like it's helping them turn things around. There's a lot of sort of slow progress towards desistance happening and thankfully a lot of parents just feeling a lot more encouraged about their relationship with their kid. their ability to stay connected while being honest about their concerns or while conveying their concerns in a way that works with rather than against their kid's ego. So that's one of the sort of key principles, by the way, of ROGD Repairs that we're working with rather than against the psychological state of your adolescent or young adult. And for many of them, that includes the fragile ego that has black and white thinking and a sense of moral and intellectual superiority to other people. Anyway, to get back to the point of the scholarship program, I do want to screen people because I don't want this donor's donation to go to waste. I want to make sure that the 15 families who take us up on this opportunity are really sincere and are going to use that free month they're being given. So I would like you to email me if you are interested in this rather than me just kind of giving away a coupon code on the air first come first serve. That's not how we're going to do it. We're going to have you email me at hello at some therapist dot com. So that's H E L L O at S O M E. We're going to have you email me and just tell me that you heard about the scholarship program on this episode. Maybe tell me, like, where, you know, where did you find this podcast? Were you already a listener of this podcast? Did someone send this to you? Did you hear about this in a particular group, forum, social media channel? Tell me how you heard about this. Tell me what your situation is and why you would like access to the program and how this could make a difference in your life, as well as anything you want to share about your financial situation. Of course, it's your personal information. You don't have to share anything you don't feel comfortable sharing. But just think of it like a sort of an application. You're applying for a scholarship. I don't have a form to fill out or anything like that. I just want you to email me. Tell me about yourself. Tell me about why you want the scholarship. And from there, I might ask families to set up a meeting just so we can meet face-to-face or we'll just kind of see what happens from there. But after I get the applications in this way, it will be first come, first serve from there. But I do reserve the right to say no if I have any doubts about the intentions or motivations or situation of the person emailing me. So that's just sort of our screening criteria. So that's it. That's how you apply. If this is for you, just send me an email, tell me your situation, why you need this program, why the scholarship would be beneficial to you. I might ask you to meet with me, and then I'll just give you free access for a month. And I want you to try to make as much as you can out of the time that you do have that program. Now, if this is for you, if this program sounds great for you, but you haven't signed up yet, and the scholarship is not something that you personally need, if you think that there might be people who could use that more than you, then of course you can just sign up using Some Therapist 2024 or 2025. Use that code at checkout. When I say family, by the way, I'm referring to you and or your spouse and or potentially any other adults who are on your side of this issue that you want to share this program or resource with. So you will have one login, whether you're the recipient of a scholarship or whether you sign up for the course, you have one login. You're welcome to share that with your spouse. sibling, parent, whoever else is supportive in your world, this is not a program for your kid to do, okay? Your kid doesn't want to do this program, and it's not made for them. In fact, one of the things I do in the program is educate you about your kid's mental blockages to receiving appropriate help, you know, including the fact that I am on the list of so-called trans folks, right? So I'm one of these people who I wish I could help these young people, but unfortunately they've been indoctrinated into a belief system that people like me are out to harm them rather than help them. Some of them have extremely paranoid beliefs like that without that we want them to die like that's that's a belief that some people hold it's not true but unfortunately I do not recommend sharing gender critical content with your indoctrinated kid and the program will show you some other ways right it'll it'll show you how to talk to your kids not so much about detransitioners but about actual trans people trans identified people who are suffering the consequences medically, regardless of whether they have this concept of regret. And it'll teach you a lot of other ways of approaching this issue without sharing explicitly gender critical content with your kids, because they have a lot of mental walls that will go up if you share anything that they see as sort of gender-critical coded or so-called right-wing coded or anything like that, right? You don't want to keep hitting them over the head with things that just make their walls go up higher and higher. You want to try a different approach that's going to get them actually listening and curious what you have to say. So the program is for adults. So when I'm consulting with families like yours, providing this educational guidance on the psychology of The whole idea of gender ideology and how it's affected your kid and what approaches to communication might go over better. When I'm providing that type of guidance, we often bring in those other adults in your life. So I do work with a lot of families where one spouse or parent is a lot more engaged than the other. And I do try to work with both parents whenever possible. And look at how family dynamics might be contributing to the issue and if there's anything you can do in your way of relating with your spouse that might kind of shift things for the better. And that's just one part of it, right? We really want that other spouse engaged and helping your kid however they can. And then we also sometimes bring in aunts, uncles, cousins, older siblings, grandparents. Grandparents have actually been tremendously valuable because I've noticed with a lot of families, certainly not all of them, but with a lot of them, there's a really special relationship between the trans-identified kid and at least one grandparent. And that the kid loves that grandparent. They also kind of give them a free pass to like not understand the gender thing or not call them that. And that grandparent sometimes can even like do no wrong in the eyes of this kid who otherwise makes you feel as a parent like you can do a lot of wrong. So in those situations, I just love bringing in the grandparents. I've also had really cool aunts join us. I've also had situations where maybe I never met an older sibling, but the parents were engaging with me in figuring out how a helpful, stable older adult sibling could play a valuable role. And then it's a minority of cases, but I have had families where it's not the parents that are reaching out to me, where it's actually older adult siblings who are reaching out to me out of concern for their loved ones. And so the program can potentially help in situations like that, too. It's more designed for parent-child relationships. But I'm just letting you know that if you sign up for the program, you're welcome to share your login information with whoever is a supportive adult on your side of this issue. The program is not appropriate for changing someone's mind on this issue. It is very difficult to change people's minds on this issue. There are a lot of reasons as to why, and I think you'll discover some of those reasons in the program. This is not a program for changing anyone's mind, okay? This is a program for people who already agree that gender ideology is harmful and that cutting up a person's body is no way to treat mental distress, but who might not have all the information they need. And it's also for parents who have a lot of information, who have been flooded with information, who say, I feel like I have a PhD in this stuff. Maybe they've spent the past four years since their kid, quote, came out researching obsessively. And they know all the latest scientific studies on, you know, I think like the last one to cross my radar was the one that said that testicular cancer is 26 times higher. That's 2600%, okay, 26 times higher in males taking cross-sex hormones. You know, it's the parents who've memorized all of that stuff, but are feeling hopeless, desperate, despondent, frustrated at their wit's end because they don't know how to communicate. And they would hope that logic and reason and facts would break through, but it's actually made their relationship worse. So I do teach skills for changing those dynamics. So whether you're coming at this from a place of not knowing things, you know, I've talked to parents where they're like, they've never heard of some of the things that I've heard of in my years of studying this issue. Like they've never heard the phrase microdose testosterone. Or they never heard the phrase gender fluid or trans mask or, you know, they're utterly befuddled as to why their daughter's wearing eyeliner and fishnets but calling herself they them. You know, I've worked with parents who are totally befuddled about this stuff. I've also worked with parents who are deep, deep, deep in it. and really know the lay of the land. And I would say parents on both sides, no matter how much of a background they have in this stuff, find this program really valuable because it's specifically about my niche of expertise where, you know, even if you are a scientist, because I've worked with parents who are scientists, doctors, lawyers, people who are super educated, super intelligent. I've also worked with people who are just like generally great communicators, really kind, empathic, emotionally intelligent people, as well as people who are conflict avoidant, really struggle with communication, you know, families where there's like clear patterns of dysfunction going back for years. I've seen it all, okay? And I have yet to meet anyone who doesn't find this program valuable if they engage with it because it really kind of hones in on the psychology and communication stuff, which is at the root of the problem. If sharing facts with your kid was enough, there would be no need for a program like this because you just share the facts and they would realize that this is a bad idea, but that's not how it works, okay? If you need help understanding why those walls are there and how to get around them, that's what this program is for. Now, if you would like to have a clearer understanding of what is the content of the course, you can always look at ROGDrepair.com and scroll down to the curriculum section. So curriculum is in pretty large letters and you can open up that section so that drops down all the way. And this is basically your table of contents. So this shows you what you would be able to access if you were enrolled in the course. There are a couple of things in here that are set to public preview. So right below curriculum in the top section, so this is the first module, introduction and orientation, you'll see these two parts that say public preview. That's introducing ROGD Repair, a new game-changing resource for concerned parents of trans-identified youth. And on the fence, here's why you should sign up today. So this is what anyone can access. The first one is basically the podcast episode where I described what's in ROGD Repair the first time and then sort of a little explanation of the advantages of joining. Now that's what anyone can access but then you can also see all of those lessons that say start where you would be able to click start and see the whole lesson if you're involved in the course. So there's the introduction and orientation. some stuff about suicide and self-harm, which I'm super careful how I address because this is not a mental health service. This is not a substitute for therapy. I try to make that super clear throughout. But that said, there are some things that do need to be addressed about the topics of suicide and self-harm because Those are such major factors for some families. There's so much fear sort of locking them in place and locking them into some bad habits because there is this fear of self-harm. So that's why we have to address it because we're addressing your mental state. So you educating yourself on this topic is not a substitute for mental health treatment of anyone in your family who is struggling with suicide or self-harm, but we need to address how your fears about this issue might be playing a role in any dysfunctional patterns that you could learn to do better in terms of relationship communication dynamics in your family or dynamics that are, you know, basically buying you time in the short term but making things worse in the long run. We really want to stop that pattern. It's very common. pattern in families like yours where you're just sort of robbing Peter to pay Paul, if you will, kicking the can down the road, making things easier for yourself in the moment because you feel like you're in crisis mode, but then later you have to deal with the consequences of that. So this program is going to help you identify some of the ways you're doing that. And some of them do, again, have to do with suicide and self-harm. That's what's in that section, okay? Then as you can see right below that, general attitudes, habits, and mindset shifts. So this is about sort of general patterns and like the do's and don'ts I would give families in the absence of any other information based on general things I've seen work well and not so well in families. So for example, we have an overview of lifestyle changes you should make if possible. Doesn't mean it's always possible in every family. We talk about some general kind of mindset things like, for example, what symbolic analogies or spiritual metaphors, if you will, help ground you in a mindset that's going to help you be in it for the long haul? What's going to help you maintain your dignity, composure, self-respect, and calm throughout all of this? What are some self-destructive habits that are making things worse for you, like, for example, bribing, bargaining, and coercing? Or desperately begging your kid to listen to you? Or losing your cool and behaving in a way that you're ashamed of? You know, those are the kind of things we want to try to rein in. in this section and I hope that I address this compassionately with understanding where those behaviors come from and also asking you some good thought-provoking questions to help you identify what needs you need to address on your end to help you not behave in self-destructive ways. Then there's a brief introduction to the trifecta of social contagion. This is my way of conceptualizing what's going on with your kid, that it's not just gender identity ideology, but it's really about how gender identity ideology works in combination with cluster B personality traits and woke beliefs about social justice. So don't get me wrong, I'm not diagnosing your kid with a cluster B personality disorder. I'm saying that the trifecta of social contagion, the thing that's replicating the mind virus, if you will, is promulgating the traits and behaviors associated with cluster B personality disorders. Which, in the long run, I think, will result in some people having those personality disorders and struggling with them well into adulthood who wouldn't have otherwise if it wasn't so popularized by the culture and so incentivized. Doesn't mean I'm diagnosing your kid with a personality disorder, okay? So if you see stuff in here that doesn't apply, good. That's one less trait or behavior of a personality disorder to worry about. But I do want you to understand how woke beliefs about social justice and cluster B personality traits work in combination with gender identity ideology to form the perfect storm. That's really important if you're going to get through to your kid. Next, we have a large module on relevant psychological concepts affecting your family. So this is where I introduce things like double binds. Double binds are a really important concept. So that's when you're caught between a rock and a hard place, or you're in a catch-22. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. There's a lot of ways of explaining this, but every RRT family I've met so far has multiple double binds, and it can be so helpful to have an understanding of this concept, to be able to recognize when you're in a double bind, and to have some new tools for not necessarily reacting to that double bind, but naming the dilemma. We talk about cognitive dissonance, which is closely related with double binds. Talk about neuroplasticity, addiction, and sort of the neural pathway stuff associated with obsessive compulsive type patterns mentally. Secondary gain, the hidden benefits of suffering, and whether gender dysphoria is ego-syntonic or ego-dystonic. In other words, whether it's foreign to the sense of self or whether it's fused with the sense of self, because these are all really important pieces of understanding the psychology of this stuff. We talk about adapting the language of parts, the sunk cost fallacy, the hot-cold empathy gap, matters of identity, competence and confidence, what really builds those things. I explain some neuroscience stuff like the default mode network versus the task positive network and what this has to do with depression, anxiety, and rumination, the paradox of choice, psychological differentiation, extinction bursts, dissociation, code switching, preference falsification, hypersensitivity to embarrassment and scrutiny, twice exceptional youth, empathy versus theory of mind, and a few more things, okay? your kid's vulnerability hangover, and moral foundations theory and nonviolent communication is one I just recently added. So all of that is in the psychology section for now. I reserve the right to kind of rearrange if a different order of things makes sense. Then we have a section on these cluster B personality type traits and behaviors, including a brief introduction and overview, the idea of getting out of the fog, fear, obligation, and guilt of emotional blackmail, an exploration of grandiosity, a lesson on projection, one on so-called depressed or depleted narcissism, which is sort of the woe-is-me version of narcissism. We have the drama triangle. So this is when you and your family are caught up in victim, persecutor, and rescuer. That is the drama triangles, probably sounds very familiar when I name those roles. Entitlement, resentment, narcissist, math, got a lot of good stuff on the cluster B personality traits and behaviors in that section. All right, then we have communication 101, asserting boundaries. So far, I've been reading almost every single title of a lesson. I'm going to stop doing that for this section and just say that there are several lessons in here on ways of communicating assertively and establishing boundaries. So this is where we really start to get into what you can do differently in terms of how you're communicating. Things like front-loading bad news, being clear about the difference between what is a boundary and what is an opinion or a preference. The idea of being life's messenger, so not taking it personally when you are asserting something about how life works and your kid is reacting to it. A concept called strategic apologizing that is my way of helping parents sort of absorb the blows of their kid's anger while still reframing their own understanding of what's right and wrong. We talk about using playfulness to help interactions go over better. We talk about some approaches to financial boundaries as well. Then Communication 102, we have several more in this section, like on nonverbal communication and your nervous system, thinking strategically, being curious without agreeing, changing the pattern to affect how your own predictability is part of the problem. dropping defensiveness, using reflective listening and empathic guesses, restricting the urge to overshare, using no-oriented questions, posing moral dilemmas to invite critical thinking, making sure that you communicate your concerns in terms of near-term pain and embarrassment rather than long-term consequences when your kid has an immature brain, the reasons you should use what and how questions instead of why questions, Getting your kid to feel like the smart one by talking about what other people should do instead of making them feel scrutinized. Ways you can bring your kid's walls down by telling them when they're right. And one I added more recently since I last described this course, at the end of the section, a strategy for handling projection using an inversion of the work of Byron Katie. So a lot of trans-identified youth project a lot. And so one of the things I do is I teach parents how to recognize when you're being projected onto, and rather than reacting defensively, how to get curious about ways in which the reverse might be true without escalating. We have sections on female-specific issues and male-specific issues. These are things I will continue adding to. Right now, there's only two lessons in each. So in the female-specific issues, we have an in-depth explanation as to how every phase of your daughter's menstrual cycle works. and how these phases affect her psychologically and what that has to do with her mood and behavior and how you can time things more effectively. Then we also have a lesson on menopause, menarche, and female role models. So this one looks at what happens when women are having children later in life and the timing of a mother's menopause aligns with the timing of her daughter's menarche or the onset of menstruation. And what does it have to do with female role models? How can you give your daughter more examples of women, you know, maybe 10 or 20 years older than her who are in a different phase of life so that she has a sort of broader spectrum of what womanhood looks like to her? In the male-specific issues right now, we have aggression in males. and autogynephilia as a safety blanket. This is the first but not the last place in the course where I will address autogynephilia. There are many different angles to address this from, but in this section it's thinking about it as a metaphor, as a sort of safety blanket that these males are turning to for comfort and self-soothing. Now a lot of the lessons I added more recently just kind of get thrown in this section towards the bottom here, which is the module called gaining further insight into your child and what you can do. So this is not really the meat of the material, not really the stuff I want to introduce up front, but this is more like The icing on the cake and some of these concepts are going to be particularly relevant for some families. So this is where we're looking at sort of some mental walls kids have up, like not wanting to think about bad things happening to their friends and how that has to do with them not being able to hear you about the dangers of puberty blockers and all that kind of stuff. We have the idea of the right side of history. We have the idea of gameable heuristics, which is the term I give to when mental shortcuts create loopholes that can easily be exploited by ideology. Lesson here on differences in worldviews between youthful progressives and mature moderates. secrets, policies, parental and family triangulation, dealing with threats of estrangement, questioning the usefulness of the term gender non-conforming, adolescent on inhibition versus disinhibition, which I think is an important psychological concept that a lot of these youth struggle with, dissociation versus embodiment featuring proprioception, time horizons and empathy for our future self, and even a lesson on holistic therapeutics where I talk about the benefits of float tanks and hot cold therapies. Again, that's not everything. I just wanted to read several of what I think the most interesting topics in that are. And then after some of the concluding sections, I'm just going to skip. I have recently added bonus content, which is early access to new episodes of my podcast. So on that note, I wanted to say something about my Locals community, which is I'm so thankful for anyone who's ever given my Locals community a try. There have been some people who have been generous supporters to the Locals community and who have tried to engage others in communication. It hasn't ever really taken off. I think it's just not a part of people's routines. It's hard to form new habits. And so Locals has not been very active, and I've been wondering what to do with it for a while. And what recently occurred to me is to shift the perks of Locals membership over to ROGD Repair. I recognize I'll lose a lot of people in the process because not everyone wants or needs to be enrolled in ROGD Repair and it's a lot more of a financial commitment than just, you know, a few bucks a month on a subscription service like Locals. But, that being said, ROGD Repair is really where I'm putting all my attention and focus and it's where I have the most subscribers. People are really engaged in ROGD Repair because, again, there's a strong need that this program is addressing. And so I'm currently experimenting with shifting the perks of locals to ROGD Repair. Not that the main thing that people are in ROGD Repair for is my podcast. But this is how the program has reached a lot of people. So now what I'm doing is releasing early access to new episodes in the course. And that started with episode number 137 with Dr. Nikki Johnson. And, you know, it's just basically whenever I finish getting an episode ready for the following week, I schedule it to go out on every platform Monday morning. But what I have been doing is uploading it to locals just right away. And that might be two days early, five days early. And so now I'm doing that in ROGD Repair instead. So as if all of those, you know, over 100 lessons weren't enough content, just in case you want early access to even more content, early access to new episodes of my podcast will now be in ROGD Repair. This is sort of an experiment. I'm looking for feedback. People can post that feedback in the ROGD Repair forums. Let me know if this is something you want. And another perk of Locals membership has been the ability to ask questions of my guests. I haven't been super 100% consistent with always remembering to post in Locals, hey, I'm interviewing this guest on this date, here's their bio, what do you want me to ask them? But that being said, I felt like there was more engagement in the past and it's sort of fallen off. And so it's kind of hard to remember to post in Locals who I'm going to be interviewing because it's not likely that I'm going to get a lot of, you know, takers taking me up on the question or the opportunity to ask a question of that guest. So, I am experimenting with shifting that perk over as well to RODD repair. So, that'll be in the community forum discussion side of things, separate from any of the lessons, where I'm just taking the bio of any upcoming guest and posting it in those forums and saying, hey, I'm interviewing this guest on this date. Here's some things we might talk about. Is there anything you'd like me to ask them? So we will see how it goes. I don't think that those are by any means the most compelling features of ROGD Repair. They're more like bonuses. But since I was just kind of going through what you will see if you go to ROGDRepair.com and look at what's in the curriculum. Again, I didn't cover every single topic, but I did list a lot of them. And so you will see that at the bottom that I'm starting to add this bonus content of the new episodes of this podcast. And in terms of the future of ROG Repair, I will continue adding content as long as I have something to say on this issue. And as much as it might seem like I'm running out of things to cover after 120, 130 lessons or however many, I actually still have a running list of topics to make. So, clearly, I have a lot to say on this subject, and I think that is just a testament to how much time I spend talking to families like yours. You know, probably 10, 15 hours in your average week I spend exclusively talking to parents of trans-identified youth and occasionally other family members as well. And so, there's just so much to talk about. So, thank you for following along if you've listened this far. I recognize most of the time my podcast is not just sort of me rambling but me talking to a guest and that this episode is not for everyone because if you're not interested in the course then you haven't been this far. Thank you for following along and listening to me once again tell you what is in the program at ROGDRepair.com. I am so, so grateful to our generous donor for making this scholarship program possible for these 15 families. So, if you need ROGD repair and you could benefit from this scholarship if you're in a place of financial hardship, please go ahead and send me an email at hello at some therapist dot com and we can hook you up if it feels appropriate. And if you want to sign up for RGD Repair, but you're thinking, you know, I want to support Stephanie's work, and I'm sure there are families that need the scholarship more than me, you can just go ahead and sign up using, well, this is going to be released in December 2024. So you can either use the code SomeTherapist2024 if it's still the current year, or if it's 2025, you can use SomeTherapist2025. to sign up for this program. Thinking about any questions that anyone might have at this point. Let's see, it is a subscription-based program and you can cancel at any time. All that information is in the course. The welcome intro and closing messages are very thorough in terms of, you know, showing you how to navigate the program, adjust your settings, your profile, your, you know, managing your subscription and everything like that. And then I'm always available for one-on-ones if you need additional support applying these tools or strategizing how best to approach things in your particular family situation. And so anyone can book a free 15-minute discovery call. And that's always been available for, I think I've had that at least for a year or so. Whether you're in the program or not, if you have questions about the program, if you have questions about working with me, If you have questions about a referral that I might be able to have, perhaps, to a trustworthy therapist in your state to work with you or your kiddo, any of that kind of stuff, you can always just book a call with me. It's one of the ways that I donate my time is just make myself available in that way. And, you know, sometimes we spend a little extra time talking or you never know what's going to come up. So those free 15-minute discovery calls, you can find them through stephaniewyn.com. I think there should be a button, pretty self-evident, where you can schedule a call. That'll take you to my Calendly page, where you can either book that discovery call for free, or you can just hop on my calendar for a full-on consultation. If you know that you want to pay for my time and really have a chance to pick my brain, I offer both 50- and 80-minute consultations. The one thing I don't say on there, by the way, I don't say on Calendly or on stephaniewin.com or anything like that, is that I do offer packages for people who know that they want to meet with me five or ten times. I give a little bit of a discount if you prepay and commit to a package because it certainly makes my life easier and my schedule more predictable to have people make that commitment in advance. And I also prefer to work with people that way because sometimes if someone just kind of hires me for a one-off 50-minute consultation, that is more about kind of me getting lay of the land and understanding who you are, who the people in your life are, you know, what's even going on. And any advice that I can offer when I don't really know you is going to be more kind of general or rough advice, whereas my guidance will obviously be a lot more relevant if I know you and what it is that you're concerned about and what all is going on. And again, this isn't therapy. Therapists don't give advice. They shouldn't anyway. They're not supposed to. You know, this isn't about working out your own internal conflicts or having a sounding board to better understand yourself. It's really like feeding information into my brain, which is a very particular kind of processor, so that you can get back information from a very particular perspective that I offer. So that's consulting. And I prefer to do it in a commitment of a package because it really allows me to get to work making a project out of getting to know you, what you're concerned about, making sure that our, you know, the guidance I provide you is relevant and specific. And as you can imagine, I've seen and heard a lot doing this kind of work for the last several years, being so immersed in the world of gender madness. So, I end up having some kind of being in kind of a unique position to advise you on possibilities and probabilities. So, you know, if you're faced with certain decisions, I can help you outline what are all the possibilities, almost like branches of a decision tree, like what are all the ways that this could possibly go? What seems more or less likely? What are the various considerations? Five steps down each path. You know, like, what are the unforeseen troubles or unforeseen benefits of, you know, going down this path? And that's the sort of like, when I say that my brain is like a computer, it's like you feed in all the information about your situation, and then I can kind of make those predictions and say, well, you could do this, you could do that, you could do the other thing. You know, here are the pros and cons of each of these, here are the things that, you know, You probably should take into consideration if you're going to make this commitment because then you can't undo it. And you know, that's basically what I advise people on that and well, a lot more. But anyway. Thank you for listening. Please share this episode with someone who could use this program. Again, I have no idea how long it's going to take to get through these 15 scholarship spots. They could fill up quickly. They could fill up very slowly. So no harm in sharing this episode, reaching out and seeing if this program is available. And again, thank you so much to the generous donor just in time for the holidays. I hope you're all having a beautiful December so far. I hope you enjoyed this episode of You Must Be Some Kind of Therapist podcast. To check out my book recommendations, articles, wellness products, guest episodes on other podcasts, consulting services, and lots more, visit SomeTherapist.com or follow me on Twitter or Instagram at SomeTherapist. If you'd like to go deeper, join my community at somekindoftherapist.locals.com. Members can dialogue with other listeners, post questions for upcoming podcast guests to respond to, or ask questions for me to respond to in exclusive members-only Q&A live streams. To learn more about the gender crisis, watch our film, No Way Back, The Reality of Gender-Affirming Care, at nowaybackfilm.com. Special thanks to Joey Pecoraro for our theme song, Half Awake. If you appreciate this podcast and want more people to find it, kindly take a moment to rate, review, like, comment, and share on your platforms of choice. Of course, just because I am some therapist doesn't mean I'm your therapist. This podcast is not a substitute for medical advice. If you need help, ask your doctor or browse your local therapists online. And whatever you do next, please take care of yourself. Eat well, sleep well, move your body, get outside, and tell someone you love them. You're worth it.