176. Making Amends: Formerly “Trans” Lesbian Mother Jessi Harris on Survival, Family, & Forgiveness
Download MP3Jessi Harris spent three decades living as a “trans man” before ultimately detransitioning. Her story is a powerful exploration of survival, discrimination, and the complex landscape of gender identity in late 20th-century America.
What happens when the path you choose to escape discrimination becomes its own form of constraint? How do you make amends after years of unintentionally hurting those closest to you? Jessi's narrative takes us through her experiences as a lesbian in the 1970s and 80s, when being gay meant facing persistent harassment, job discrimination, and even the threat of losing custody of her child.
Driven by a desire for safety and acceptance, Jessi “transitioned” in 1987, hoping to escape the intense discrimination she faced as a lesbian. Her journey reveals a stark reality: transitioning was never about truly wanting to be a man, but about survival. She navigated a world that was hostile to lesbian mothers, facing sexual assault, job loss, and repeated attempts to separate her from her daughter.
For 30 years, Jessi lived as a “trans man,” experiencing significant medical consequences including heart attacks linked to testosterone use and vaginal atrophy that ultimately required a hysterectomy. Throughout this time, she never truly believed she was a man – she was simply trying to protect herself and her family.
The most profound part of her story emerges in her detransition and the challenging process of making amends, particularly with her daughter. After years of separation, an honest apology became the bridge to rebuilding their relationship. Jessi's reflections offer a nuanced perspective on transition, highlighting the role of discrimination, survival instincts, and the importance of genuine accountability.
Key questions we explore:
- How did systemic discrimination push lesbians towards transition?
- What are the long-term medical consequences of hormone therapy?
- How can families heal after years of complex gender-related trauma?
- What does true accountability look like in the aftermath of major life choices?
Jessi's memoir is forthcoming, promising an even deeper dive into her extraordinary journey of survival, self-discovery, and reconciliation.
Bringing a personal perspective to the conversation, Jessi Harris is a 69-year-old lesbian woman from the Pacific Northwest, who lived in transition for three decades before detransitioning in 2017 and retiring from her career in the medical field in 2021. Drawing on a complex life experience, she is now passionately committed to sharing her journey, offering perspective and support for women and girls contemplating or navigating the complexities of gender transition and detransition. Jessi is available for correspondence via email for those interested in connecting further about her story: no1nozz@gmail.com
ROGD REPAIR Course + Community gives concerned parents instant access to over 120 lessons providing the psychological insights and communication tools you need to get through to your kid. Now featuring 24/7 AI assistant with the addition of RepairBot! Use code SOMETHERAPIST2025 to take 50% off your first month.
ROGD REPAIR Course + Community gives concerned parents instant access to over 120 lessons providing the psychological insights and communication tools you need to get through to your kid. Now featuring 24/7 AI assistant with the addition of RepairBot! Use code SOMETHERAPIST2025 to take 50% off your first month.
PODCOURSES: use code SOMETHERAPIST at LisaMustard.com/PodCourses
TALK TO ME: book a meeting.
PRODUCTION: Looking for your own podcast producer? Visit PodsByNick.com and mention my podcast for 20% off your initial services.
SUPPORT THE SHOW: subscribe, like, comment, & share or donate.
ORGANIFI: Take 20% off Organifi with code SOMETHERAPIST.
Watch NO WAY BACK: The Reality of Gender-Affirming Care. Use code SOMETHERAPIST to take 20% off your order.
SHOW NOTES & transcript with help from SwellAI.
MUSIC: Thanks to Joey Pecoraro for our song, “Half Awake,” used with gratitude & permission.
To support this show, please leave a rating & review on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Subscribe, like, comment & share via my YouTube channel. Or recommend this to a friend!
Learn more about Do No Harm.
Learn more about Do No Harm.
Take $200 off your EightSleep Pod Pro Cover with code SOMETHERAPIST at EightSleep.com.
Take 20% off all superfood beverages with code SOMETHERAPIST at Organifi.
Take 20% off all superfood beverages with code SOMETHERAPIST at Organifi.
Check out my shop for book recommendations + wellness products.
Show notes & transcript provided with the help of SwellAI.
Special thanks to Joey Pecoraro for our theme song, “Half Awake,” used with gratitude and permission.
Show notes & transcript provided with the help of SwellAI.
Special thanks to Joey Pecoraro for our theme song, “Half Awake,” used with gratitude and permission.
Watch NO WAY BACK: The Reality of Gender-Affirming Care (our medical ethics documentary, formerly known as Affirmation Generation). Stream the film or purchase a DVD. Use code SOMETHERAPIST to take 20% off your order. Follow us on X @2022affirmation or Instagram at @affirmationgeneration.
Have a question for me? Looking to go deeper and discuss these ideas with other listeners? Join my Locals community! Members get to ask questions I will respond to in exclusive, members-only livestreams, post questions for upcoming guests to answer, plus other perks TBD.
