You Must Be Some Kind of Therapist

208. Shane Cole
===

[00:00:00] Shane: If you're a man watching this, you have a purpose. You're here for a reason, [00:00:05] and when you start to clean up your act, get clean from pornography, start to harness this [00:00:10] energy that's been gifted to us as men. We can be not the good [00:00:15] guys, but the good men. We need good men in this world. Right now, [00:00:20] I believe the world is starving for good men.

[00:00:23] Shane: Real men who feel their [00:00:25] emotions will say like, stop putting chemicals in our water. Stop [00:00:30] polluting our planet. Stop what? The medical industrial complex there needs to be [00:00:35] powerful. Good men who will speak will say, enough is enough, and we'll have the [00:00:40] power to hold the line and to create a brighter future for all of us.

[00:00:43] Shane: Honoring and [00:00:45] respecting women, uplifting women. But I believe full-heartedly that we need [00:00:50] strong, powerful men who are connected to their hearts, who can feel their emotions. [00:00:55]

[00:00:56] SKOT: You must be some kind of therapist.[00:01:00]

[00:01:02] Stephanie: Today I'm welcoming back Shane Cole, who [00:01:05] you might recall from episode 149 where we talked about what [00:01:10] parents need to know about Sissy hypnosis pornography. I'm so excited to welcome [00:01:15] Shane back. He is a breath work practitioner and he [00:01:20] helps men overcome addiction specifically to sissy hypnosis [00:01:25] pornography.

[00:01:25] Stephanie: Today we are going to thoroughly debunk the myth that [00:01:30] sweet, sensitive smart boys like Shane do not get addicted to [00:01:35] pornography. We're gonna talk about why that's not true, why it can be a unique source of struggle for them. [00:01:40] We're also going to talk about male sexual energy, young men's purpose, and [00:01:45] endocrine disrupting chemicals in our environment.

[00:01:46] Stephanie: So I'm really excited to welcome Shane back. Welcome Shane. Thanks for joining [00:01:50] us.

[00:01:50] Shane: Hi. Thank you so much for having me back, Stephanie. We just had such a good [00:01:55] drop in before this call and I'm really excited to do another episode with you. [00:02:00]

[00:02:00] Stephanie: I'm excited too. And I was telling you that I [00:02:05] recently had someone on X where I'm quite active, as most people know, at challenging [00:02:10] me about my estimations of the prevalence of porn use in [00:02:15] trans-identified males.

[00:02:15] Stephanie: And I had actually referenced something that you said in our last [00:02:20] conversation where you estimated the prevalence to be about 99%. And [00:02:25] so whenever this comes up, I say, you know, Shane Cole clearly has some insight into this. Having [00:02:30] personally struggled with it, having coached men who've also struggled with it, having been in those online communities and [00:02:35] himself being exactly that profile of this suite.

[00:02:38] Stephanie: Smart, sensitive boy [00:02:40] who struggled with it from an early age. So I always quote you when the subject comes up [00:02:45] and I began writing an article in response to this person challenging me [00:02:50] explaining why it can be a struggle for boys of a certain profile. [00:02:55] And then I rem remembered that you and I had a part two.

[00:02:57] Stephanie: So I'm so excited to welcome you back. [00:03:00] What is the first thing that you would say, Shane, to someone who can't believe that their [00:03:05] son, maybe someone temperamentally quite like you could have ever struggled with porn addiction or [00:03:10] that that might have anything to do with his trans identity?

[00:03:13] Shane: That was my [00:03:15] struggle growing up.

[00:03:16] Shane: I was always scared [00:03:20] about hurting women, especially in high [00:03:25] school. The Me Too movement was happening [00:03:30] and I grew up. And like a very hyper [00:03:35] liberal environment. And yeah, you know, [00:03:40] learning about like third wave feminism, like women's rights like, I was always [00:03:45] like wanting to be so deeply respectful.

[00:03:47] Shane: And when the Me Too movement happened that [00:03:50] needed to happen in the culture at the time, rape culture is absolutely horrible. [00:03:55] I think a lot of things happened as a result of the Me Too movement that were [00:04:00] beneficial and not so beneficial. And for me, when I was a young boy [00:04:05] hearing this, I was like well, the world is run by very [00:04:10] toxic men.

[00:04:11] Shane: And these men have used their power to [00:04:15] exploit women. And I became [00:04:20] really terrified of my own masculinity, of my own sexual [00:04:25] energy. Because of learning about all of this. So I became [00:04:30] really scared. And this was from a place of care. Like, I don't want to be a rapist. I don't [00:04:35] want to use, I don't want to exploit women, you know, I don't wanna put women in positions like [00:04:40] that.

[00:04:40] Shane: You know, Learning in college, roughly [00:04:45] estimated that 25% of women experienced some form of sexual assault. [00:04:50] Again, me too movement. And then about to go into college, I was learning all these [00:04:55] statistics and I was just like, oh my God, this is, this is horrible. [00:05:00] Like, I don't want to be like that at all. I was already watching [00:05:05] pornography at the time.

[00:05:06] Shane: I was already watching Sissy Hypnosis pornography [00:05:10] at the time. And when I learned about these things I, I went [00:05:15] into the addiction even more. I became terrified at approaching women. [00:05:20] That I like, wanted to date, that I wanted to be in relationship with. I still dated in high [00:05:25] school, thankfully, but I was, I was that scared kid in middle [00:05:30] school.

[00:05:30] Shane: Going into high school, I was terrified to talk to women. This was before me [00:05:35] too. I was terrified. I was so scared. I was overthinking all the time. I [00:05:40] was sweet. You know, I wasn't willing to like, make the move, [00:05:45] you know, to ask someone to go on the date or to like kiss a [00:05:50] girl when like, it was like, it could have happened, you know? and like, she was looking at me [00:05:55] and like, I didn't, you know, like I wouldn't hold the, her, the girl's hand at the [00:06:00] movies 'cause I was, I was terrified 'cause I was overthinking. So I [00:06:05] was that sweet young kid that didn't wanna like, you know, take up [00:06:10] space. And then that only, so again, middle school. [00:06:15] That was when watching porn started.

[00:06:18] Shane: That was when I found Sissy [00:06:20] Hypnosis pornography. In the last episode, we went really into a deep [00:06:25] dive around what that is. I I could touch on that briefly right now to [00:06:30] give people a refresher.

[00:06:31] Stephanie: Please. I'm sure some people listening haven't heard that conversation.

[00:06:34] Shane: [00:06:35] Sissy Hypnosis pornography is a sub genre of pornographic content.[00:06:40]

[00:06:40] Shane: It uses professional grade hypnosis techniques to convince [00:06:45] whoever's watching it, typically young boys, men [00:06:50] that, that they're actually not men, that they should transition genders [00:06:55] and become a woman. Trans woman. And not only to do that, but [00:07:00] to basically become a trans prostitute. So it does [00:07:05] this through a variety of methods, starting with sissy captions, which is what I [00:07:10] first found.

[00:07:11] Shane: It was just meme, meme pictures on [00:07:15] Instagram. I was also using the app I Funny, which was like a meme [00:07:20] app back in the 2000 tens. And yeah, I found Sissy Captions, which was [00:07:25] just like pictures of really hot girls. Normal, [00:07:30] Normal women with captions, meme captions saying things like, [00:07:35] it's so much better to wear panties.

[00:07:37] Shane: Or like, we know you want to cross [00:07:40] dress or, or, then it'd start to like bully common male [00:07:45] insecurities. Like, Oh, your penis is small. You should just become a girl [00:07:50] instead. Or you're, you're so weak, you're so skinny, you would look better [00:07:55] as a woman. So it basically draw you in with the picture of a [00:08:00] hot girl and then it eroticizes the [00:08:05] insecurity that a young boy, especially a sweet, [00:08:10] sensitive kind boy is feeling about themselves [00:08:15] In middle school, very common things like your penis is small, you're skinny.[00:08:20]

[00:08:20] Shane: You, you haven't like, you haven't had a girlfriend yet, so you [00:08:25] should just become a girl. These like common insecurities, it [00:08:30] eroticizes it and then it gives you an out by becoming a girl.

[00:08:34] Stephanie: [00:08:35] That's a really excellent starting description of the architecture of that [00:08:40] entry point. The sort of thing that would be so easy for a middle school [00:08:45] boy to fall into if he has unregulated device access, or if his parents simply [00:08:50] don't know what sites and apps to block or how to block them [00:08:55] effectively.

[00:08:56] Stephanie: I love how you describe that because it's [00:09:00] easy to imagine what's happening in the boy's brain, right? It's the image that draws the boy [00:09:05] in because most of these boys are heterosexual. So of course they're attracted [00:09:10] to images of women sexual images of women especially, right? And then [00:09:15] eroticizing the insecurity.

[00:09:17] Stephanie: So linking these [00:09:20] feelings that are already bothering them somewhere in their brains, [00:09:25] which are rapidly developing their you know, not only their intellectual capacities, but their [00:09:30] emotional, relational, sexual capacities are all rapidly developing in the brain at that age. So [00:09:35] those emerging insecurities that emerging self-consciousness.

[00:09:39] Stephanie: [00:09:40] Linking that with such a powerful drive as the sex drive. Right? [00:09:45] So, So we're talking about sort of like the architecture of the, the [00:09:50] dopamine reinforcing that connection, which is why I describe it when I'm [00:09:55] talking with parents, I describe it as getting their wires crossed, right? When you're linking a powerful [00:10:00] motivator like sexuality with these other emotions.

[00:10:03] Stephanie: So you mentioned [00:10:05] insecurity. What are some of the other emotions, Shane, that these types of images and videos are [00:10:10] designed to scramble in the brain to eroticize

[00:10:14] Shane: It gets [00:10:15] deeper. So it starts with that like middle school insecurity and just like for the [00:10:20] parents, right? Like just, you know, to like paint the picture fully.

[00:10:24] Shane: [00:10:25] Like, Young boy in middle school sees this picture and they're, they're already turned [00:10:30] on. Like their penis is hard. They're masturbating, like starting to get vulgar, but like that's what's [00:10:35] happening. And then they're reading these things. That are [00:10:40] going into their brains while they're in this open, highly suggestible sexual state, [00:10:45] which is where the wires start to get crossed, which is what Stephanie was just [00:10:50] explaining, linking the dopamine reward system to some of these darker [00:10:55] aspects of our mind.

[00:10:55] Shane: So it starts with insecurity, and then as the content [00:11:00] progresses, it turns into videos. Sissy, this is, so it starts sissy [00:11:05] captions and then it goes to Sissy Hypnosis. This is where [00:11:10] you start to see more porn. Sissy captions, right? It's the [00:11:15] gateway. It's on Instagram. It was all over Tumblr, all over Reddit.

[00:11:18] Shane: It was all over. I [00:11:20] funny. I saw all of it when I was in middle school, when I was in sixth grade, [00:11:25] when I was 12, and I was masturbating to it. The first thing I ever ejaculated [00:11:30] to was sissy captions. The first thing. And [00:11:35] for a lot of these guys, it's the same story. Which is [00:11:40] devastating.

[00:11:41] Stephanie: And let me just ask you right now, back when you were 12 years old and [00:11:45] that was going on, if someone had asked your parents to describe what kind of son they had, [00:11:50] what would they have said?

[00:11:50] Shane: A sweet, sensitive young man. [00:11:55] I was a bit more like, I still did sports. Like [00:12:00] I, I played lacrosse, like I worked out, but I was, I was hyper intelligent. Like [00:12:05] I overthought everything. Yeah, I was, I was really smart. I [00:12:10] did really well in school. I hadn't kissed anyone. I, I was a [00:12:15] sweet, sensitive young man.

[00:12:17] Stephanie: I think a lot of parents need to hear [00:12:20] that.

[00:12:20] Shane: Yeah. I'm, I'm sorry. Parents if you're deluding [00:12:25] yourself that your kid isn't watching porn, but yeah, [00:12:30] 99% of boys. Right now, if they have access to the [00:12:35] internet and are in middle school, are watching pornography.

[00:12:39] Stephanie: And I know that the [00:12:40] cartoon staff is not your specialty and the men [00:12:45] that you coach are struggling specifically with sissy hypnosis pornography, and that's what you have [00:12:50] expertise in.

[00:12:50] Stephanie: But the, it's easy to imagine how the, [00:12:55] the furry anime, cartoon porn is equally, if not [00:13:00] more designed to target those young boys and [00:13:05] to appeal to their sexual feelings while [00:13:10] also preserving that childlike [00:13:15] quasi innocence and appealing to the part of the boys [00:13:20] that's afraid of hurting girls because no real females were harmed in the making of this [00:13:25] content.

[00:13:25] Shane: 100%. And like. that was like, even like on a more like [00:13:30] vanilla aspect, like I would in middle school, like I would watch a lot [00:13:35] of like, I would watch a lot of lesbian. I, I would watch [00:13:40] lesbian porn too before I went deeper into the sissy hyp note, because I like was, [00:13:45] I was disgusted by like men [00:13:50] being a man and like having sex and like that I internalized that, you know, [00:13:55] like I, I am like, I'm not okay with what's going on here, you know? so I didn't want [00:14:00] to see that. So again, it was coming from this place of care, you know, like [00:14:05] women are like the song like, women are beautiful and I don't wanna, I don't wanna [00:14:10] hurt, you know, I don't, I don't, I wanna stay away. I wanna keep my masculine [00:14:15] energy away to, to protect. But [00:14:20] repression does not lead to integration.

[00:14:24] Shane: You know. [00:14:25] Hiding ourselves. Repressing sexual energy does not create a [00:14:30] safe culture and society. And it doesn't create safety [00:14:35] within our own nervous system as well. But to go, to go back to [00:14:40] what Sissy Hypnos starts to get into the deeper layers of it it [00:14:45] starts to turn into videos. There starts to be more pornographic content.

[00:14:49] Shane: [00:14:50] It starts to, yeah, have like trans women. And [00:14:55] with the videos, it starts to get more intense. It's not just captions, [00:15:00] it's binaural beats. They're playing trance [00:15:05] music that's designed to take people deeper into a hypnotic state. They're using [00:15:10] repeated mantras. So they're like, so it's not just you're reading the captions, but [00:15:15] it's saying out loud to you and like. sexy, hypnotic voice. [00:15:20] Like, You're pathetic. You're workless like start [00:15:25] HRT. It's yeah, it's playing on shame like you are, [00:15:30] you know, like I started to feel so gross and disgusted with myself [00:15:35] as a man that like, I, I couldn't, I couldn't imagine being a man, you know? It [00:15:40] does, it, it like takes it meta at times.[00:15:45]

[00:15:45] Shane: It is saying with the repeated mantras, how you are falling [00:15:50] deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole, how you are hopelessly addicted [00:15:55] and you will never get out of this, and your only way out is to [00:16:00] become a sissy. So it's like saying like, it's crazy. Like you're MAs like I was [00:16:05] masturbating to this and eroticizing the terror [00:16:10] that I couldn't get out of this addiction

[00:16:12] Stephanie: and.

[00:16:13] Stephanie: Someone just joining us at this [00:16:15] point in the conversation with no background might say well, that's crazy. Why don't you just turn it off? Why would [00:16:20] you listen to that garbage? But I, I want people to think about [00:16:25] this happening to impressionable young boys in that cultural [00:16:30] context where boys are experiencing these surges in [00:16:35] testosterone.

[00:16:36] Stephanie: They're experiencing a heightened sex drive, new [00:16:40] emotions, new interests, all while feeling normal male [00:16:45] insecurities. And in a culture where there's a lot of [00:16:50] messaging about masculinity being toxic, add in. Now, I don't know anything [00:16:55] about your personal family background, Shane, and there's no pressure to share anything about that here, but I'm just saying from [00:17:00] the work I do with parents, there's often an added layer, especially Gen X dads [00:17:05] who had a different upbringing where masculinity [00:17:10] was healthy.

[00:17:11] Stephanie: And the Gen X dads often express it in [00:17:15] more kind of normal Gen X dad's way dad ways with occasional [00:17:20] outbursts of anger. Nothing that I've encountered [00:17:25] is, you know, would really cross the line into what's considered what I would [00:17:30] consider abuse. But it's, you know, if a [00:17:35] boy doesn't have kind of a healthy relationship with his dad, with rough and [00:17:40] tumble play and with knowing how to test the boundaries [00:17:45] of aggression, then you also have this, whatever issues a boy might have [00:17:50] with his male role model, with the way that dad expresses anger.

[00:17:54] Stephanie: And [00:17:55] then, you know, when you have like the, the way the boys are spoken to in [00:18:00] school, oftentimes by female teachers with female centric biases, then [00:18:05] there's also that layer of cultural messaging on top of. [00:18:10] Experience of dad where the cultural messaging is shaping the perception of [00:18:15] dad. And, And so there all these things I think can [00:18:20] work together to kind of create a lot of fear and shame and [00:18:25] conflict towards sexual and aggressive masculine [00:18:30] urges.

[00:18:30] Stephanie: And, And one of the things that I know that you're here to talk about today is how [00:18:35] at odds that that problem is with [00:18:40] proper harnessing of the power of male sexuality and young men being able to find their [00:18:45] purpose. Your trans identified kid won't listen to reason, because reason [00:18:50] isn't what they need right now.

[00:18:51] Stephanie: They need a parent who knows how to communicate in an [00:18:55] empathic yet strategic manner. ROGD repair gives you over [00:19:00] 120 lessons. In the psychology and communication tools that actually work when [00:19:05] normal parenting doesn't. Plus repair bot your 24 7 AI coach [00:19:10] trained on my entire body of work ready to help you navigate tough moments in real time.[00:19:15]

[00:19:15] Stephanie: Visit r ogd repair.com and use code [00:19:20] some therapist 2026 to take half off your first month. [00:19:25]

[00:19:25] Shane: I just want to go, go back to one piece just to like [00:19:30] double click on the question of like how, yeah, how, 'cause [00:19:35] I have, I've had people comment on the videos on the podcast [00:19:40] that I've done is like, why didn't you just turn it off?

[00:19:42] Shane: Like he's giving away too much of his [00:19:45] power. Like why didn't you just turn it off? So I just wanna double click on that [00:19:50] just 'cause like I've gotten commented at about that they're very powerful hypnosis [00:19:55] techniques. I've talked with, I've been on two podcasts with [00:20:00] hypnosis therapists surrounding this.

[00:20:02] Shane: One of them, I'm not gonna share [00:20:05] his name, has, he's a, he's a cult researcher. He [00:20:10] didn't actually post the podcast that we did 'cause it was too edgy for him. But he [00:20:15] said the hypnosis techniques that they are [00:20:20] utilizing in these videos are professional grade. You would have to go to [00:20:25] graduate school for hypnosis therapy to be able to understand how [00:20:30] to implement these techniques into the videos and the ways in which they're doing [00:20:35] with sissy hypnosis.

[00:20:37] Shane: So I just [00:20:40] wanna highlight this for me, like sweet sense of young boy. I was also doing a lot of [00:20:45] sports and my body wasn't pain a lot. And I was also just going through growing pain. The [00:20:50] power of this hypnosis, I would go into a complete trance state, and I wouldn't, I would [00:20:55] be completely disembodied. So any pain that I was in, in my body [00:21:00] was just like pew because I was in this like, alternate reality basically [00:21:05] because of the advanced level hypnosis techniques and with pornography [00:21:10] and with all addictions, right?

[00:21:12] Shane: The it, it has to get [00:21:15] more intense because of how our dopamine system operates. So what can [00:21:20] start as just like sissy captions or even just like looking at girls on [00:21:25] Instagram can quickly devolve [00:21:30] into finding these sub genres that play on really dark [00:21:35] emotions that utilize them to get people more and more addicted.

[00:21:38] Shane: And it's, it's [00:21:40] malevolent, it's intelligently created. And we talked more in the podcast of [00:21:45] like the last podcast of where this may have come from the theories around that, which we don't need to [00:21:50] touch on today, but I just wanna double click that. 'cause like I got, I got comments on some of my [00:21:55] past theories, like, why didn't you just turn it off, dude?

[00:21:57] Shane: I'm like, I wish I could, bro. I wish I [00:22:00] could saw And as an adult, as an adult, maybe you could. But when you're a [00:22:05] child, like this is Malevolently intelligently [00:22:10] created content.

[00:22:11] Stephanie: Let me double click on your double click.

[00:22:13] Shane: Okay.

[00:22:13] Stephanie: I saw some of those [00:22:15] same comments on my YouTube channel on our interview.[00:22:20]

[00:22:20] Stephanie: And what it reminds me of is you know, X formerly Twitter [00:22:25] recently celebrated its 20 year anniversary, and there's this post going around saying [00:22:30] what are the best tweets of all time? One of, one of the things that was [00:22:35] screenshotted a lot was this comment. It's written in how shall we say African [00:22:40] American vernacular?

[00:22:40] Stephanie: English, I believe is a technical term. Uh, You know, Very colloquial [00:22:45] uh, sort of Ebonics language, but it's like, ha ha ha ha [00:22:50] WTF. How is cyber bullying a real thing? What do you [00:22:55] mean just close the computer? Is Is essentially that message. Everyone's seen that it's been [00:23:00] screenshotted so many times and it's funny from a certain perspective 'cause a guy has a point.[00:23:05]

[00:23:05] Stephanie: But it, that is a point in [00:23:10] a reality in which, first of all, male aggression is the only type of male of [00:23:15] aggression that counts. Right? In other words, physical, overt competition [00:23:20] and violence. If that was the only thing that really affected our sense of [00:23:25] security. As humans, then cyber bullying would not be a thing.

[00:23:27] Stephanie: However, female typical social [00:23:30] aggression is kind of the name of the game in first world societies, and that includes [00:23:35] reputation, destruction and, you know, smear campaigns and all that kind of stuff that, you know, I've certainly been a, a [00:23:40] victim of, as listeners of this podcast know cyber bullying is a real thing.

[00:23:44] Stephanie: And [00:23:45] so it's the same logic, right? When there's, When there's a part of your brain that's [00:23:50] wired for threat detection and you know that your status [00:23:55] in the tribe depends on your reputation, and that, that's a, [00:24:00] that's a deep inclination that we all have. And you know that a bunch of people [00:24:05] are saying some destructive nonsense about you.

[00:24:07] Stephanie: How are you supposed to turn off your awareness of [00:24:10] that? How are you supposed to just close the computer and say it doesn't matter when all these people are trying to destroy your [00:24:15] reputation? I feel like it's a similar thing. When you have a young person [00:24:20] whose drives have been hijacked. Again, these deep drives we have for connection, [00:24:25] belonging our, our desire to protect our status within the community.

[00:24:28] Stephanie: And sex [00:24:30] drive is also connected to your, your need for connection to other humans, right? So when that [00:24:35] drive has been hijacked by something that you've seen online how, [00:24:40] how are you supposed to just shut that down? Similarly, another element I wanna highlight here [00:24:45] and, and this is really, really key for parents to understand, is [00:24:50] that one has to have a clear sense of their own preferences in order [00:24:55] to have that mental awareness, that discernment that goes, this [00:25:00] isn't an alignment with my preferences and what I want for my life, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna stop [00:25:05] it.

[00:25:05] Stephanie: That takes executive functioning and a sense of identity when you're talking about a 12, [00:25:10] 13, 14-year-old. When you're talking about, you know, anyone under the age of 25, [00:25:15] really depending on their personal development trajectory to have that [00:25:20] sense of, I separate from what I'm seeing in the screen, separate from what the algorithm is feeding me.

[00:25:24] Stephanie: You [00:25:25] don't have that. And that's why I see kids getting traumatized by what they're [00:25:30] exposed to through the algorithms. And I work with parents, for example, parents where they're [00:25:35] divorced and custody is shared, and the kid has vastly different rules in each [00:25:40] household. So when, let's say the, the kid comes back to mom, [00:25:45] mom's very disturbed to see how many hours a day that kid spent on YouTube [00:25:50] when she was at her father's house.

[00:25:54] Stephanie: But what can she [00:25:55] do? She can't do anything because that's her father's right to park the kid on the [00:26:00] iPad all day, right? So when that kid is on YouTube for six hours a day because dad's [00:26:05] ignoring her, there's not, like when you're exposed to an algorithm as a [00:26:10] kid, you're not thinking, I'm choosing this in the same way that [00:26:15] you would choose a book off a shelf or choose a piece of clothing outta your wardrobe or choose a [00:26:20] snack out of the fridge, right?

[00:26:21] Stephanie: There's not, here are the options and I'm selecting the one I [00:26:25] want. There's more like, there's this feedback loop between me and the algorithm, and [00:26:30] before long I don't know what I want. It's just feeding me something and, and convincing me [00:26:35] that that's what I want. So I think there's genuine confusion in these kids about what they would [00:26:40] select if these algorithms and devices didn't have like a if, if, [00:26:45] if they didn't hijack our limbic system.

[00:26:46] Stephanie: You know what I mean?

[00:26:47] Shane: 100%. And that's why [00:26:50] for me, breath work, meditation, nervous system regulation [00:26:55] has been so key in my recovery in my journey [00:27:00] because there. Methods of [00:27:05] regaining that agency, of reclaiming our [00:27:10] dopamine system of being able to choose what we [00:27:15] focus on. It's absolutely critical and most adults honestly don't [00:27:20] even have that capacity.

[00:27:22] Shane: So these tools have [00:27:25] been so important for me because we're, we're in, we're living in the [00:27:30] attention economy. Our attention is, has turned [00:27:35] into the most valuable commodity in late [00:27:40] stage capitalism. It is, It is the most valuable thing. The amount that our [00:27:45] eyes are on the screen is, is what all these tech [00:27:50] companies are going for.

[00:27:51] Shane: All the porn companies. Everything. [00:27:55] And they, they're increasingly [00:28:00] developing more intelligent algorithms and more disgusting and [00:28:05] outrageous pornography and content to take our attention from [00:28:10] us so they can make money off of ads. So again, there are many, there are [00:28:15] many ways out of this. But for me, this has been my central [00:28:20] healing modality for myself and what I help my clients cultivate.[00:28:25]

[00:28:25] Shane: The ability to focus, the ability to be present, the ability to feel our [00:28:30] emotions and be present with our emotions instead of numbing out [00:28:35] with the endless variety of consumerism that we could go [00:28:40] into. But it's critical Developing these skills are critical. Absolutely critical.

[00:28:44] Stephanie: Tell [00:28:45] us about. That connection between what you do with the breath work [00:28:50] and your coaching men through this addiction and what all that [00:28:55] has to do with the power of male sexual energy, their purpose.

[00:28:59] Shane: I've come a [00:29:00] long way during C-O-V-I-D-I was watching sissy hypno [00:29:05] multiple times a day. I was ejaculating constantly. [00:29:10] I was going to, I started to take hormones. I started to do hormone [00:29:15] replacement therapy. I only did it for three weeks before I stopped [00:29:20] and there was a divine intervention that came into my life.

[00:29:24] Shane: It was a very [00:29:25] beautiful, and I got sent on a different path. And now I am, I'm [00:29:30] at a very different place. I'm able to practice. [00:29:35] Sexual energy ization, and we'll dive into like a bit more [00:29:40] of what that means and what these practices are. The male [00:29:45] sexual energy is one of the most powerful forces [00:29:50] on the planet.

[00:29:51] Shane: I always tell my clients that I'm working with it's [00:29:55] the equivalent to, or potentially more powerful than the [00:30:00] atomic bomb. Think about the wars that have been fought in history [00:30:05] over wanting, wanting the woman, wanting that queen. [00:30:10] You know? Think about all the damage that has been done from rape [00:30:15] culture.

[00:30:15] Shane: We're seeing right now, and we don't have to dive into the details, but with the Epstein files, [00:30:20] right? There's like a lot of darkness that can be [00:30:25] done through the mismanagement of. Male sexual [00:30:30] energy of male life force energy. And what happens when we're [00:30:35] kids is our dads give us one talk, maybe [00:30:40] if we're lucky.

[00:30:41] Shane: And I, the talk for me was like, yeah, like [00:30:45] wear a condom, be respectful, [00:30:50] and that's it. And we're basically left to the wolves of [00:30:55] pornography to teach us how to be in sexual relation. It's not our [00:31:00] dad's fault, right? Our dads, Our dads don't know these practices. But yeah, I've been [00:31:05] able to dive really deep into men's work.

[00:31:07] Shane: I've been able to dive really deep [00:31:10] into eastern mystical practices, traditions. [00:31:15] Buddhism with meditation has been very helpful. But I wanna talk specifically about the [00:31:20] DAOs tradition. Where Qigong, where Kung fu, where Tai [00:31:25] Chi where these martial arts practices originated from. [00:31:30] These monks realized that the seamen [00:31:35] is a very powerful force and they [00:31:40] designed practices to help cultivate this energy [00:31:45] and utilize it in healthy ways for their emotional [00:31:50] and spiritual development.

[00:31:51] Shane: So the primary practice, they utilize the semen [00:31:55] retention not ejaculating to harness this power. [00:32:00] We know with modern biology. When we practice semen [00:32:05] retention, our semen, it's so fascinating. We have it's not just the semen that's [00:32:10] there. The fluid is filled with proteins with vitamins, with [00:32:15] minerals, with zinc.

[00:32:16] Shane: That basically when we [00:32:20] start to retain, it starts to go back into our nervous [00:32:25] system. So we can create more strength, more energy, [00:32:30] and more life force and become more attractive as men [00:32:35] when we utilize this energy. So there's like a whole, [00:32:40] there's a whole family of people on YouTube [00:32:45] and in the porn addiction space called No fap.

[00:32:48] Shane: I don't know if you've heard about the [00:32:50] No fp people so, right. it's like, don't masturbate, just like don't do. [00:32:55] Right, And like utilize this energy to create a [00:33:00] better life, right? It's not just like we can be stronger, we have more [00:33:05] focus, we have more energy, more clarity, more testosterone. We're operating [00:33:10] as our bodies should be as men, when we have higher [00:33:15] testosterone, when we have higher sperm count maybe this is a place we can dip [00:33:20] into swan's work and then come back.

[00:33:23] Stephanie: Yeah. So thanks for [00:33:25] inviting me onto my soapbox. I we, we, we had a nice little chat for [00:33:30] listeners. You know, We had a nice little chat before we started recording about all the things we wanted to talk about. And [00:33:35] this is so important because we know for a fact that testosterone [00:33:40] levels and sperm counts have declined at least 50% in the last 50 years thanks to the work of [00:33:45] Dr.

[00:33:45] Stephanie: Shauna Swan. I've read her book Countdown and I also wanted to. [00:33:50] Point people to the new documentary just came out on Netflix called The Plastic [00:33:55] Detox, which features Dr. Shauna Swan as well as six couples struggling with [00:34:00] infertility who go through her sort of plastic detox lifestyle [00:34:05] program to see if it helps with their fertility issues.

[00:34:07] Stephanie: And I, I won't give any spoilers about what we learned through that [00:34:10] process, but endocrine disrupting chemicals are in, in the environment are a real thing and. [00:34:15] My soapbox on this issue is that I think we in the gender critical [00:34:20] community need to be talking about this a lot more. What I've encountered is that there is [00:34:25] emotional reasoning that gets in the way of people taking an honest look at what is going on with environmental [00:34:30] toxicity and how that could be shaping the current you know, skyrocketing rates of [00:34:35] so-called gender dysphoria and trans ideation.

[00:34:37] Stephanie: Personally, with my conspiracy [00:34:40] theorist tinfoil hat on, I suspect that part of [00:34:45] the push from the top down to normalized trans identity and medicalized gender [00:34:50] dysphoria. Feels to me like a bit of a coverup for how [00:34:55] much our food and air and water and [00:35:00] lifestyle have been polluted by these chemicals that affect our endocrine system.

[00:35:04] Stephanie: [00:35:05] If people are saying, I don't feel entirely masculine, or I don't feel entirely feminine, [00:35:10] and that becomes an identity that you need to respect, a [00:35:15] demographic that deserves equal rights rather than a sign of an environmental problem, then guess [00:35:20] who that lets off the hook, the big corporations that are poisoning us.

[00:35:23] Stephanie: So that's [00:35:25] part of my soapbox. And here's the thing. Look, I just released an article on my substack within the last couple [00:35:30] weeks about PCOS in girls, right? We know polycystic ovarian syndrome [00:35:35] is on the rise, which is a condition among other things that includes higher androgen levels. [00:35:40] We also know from the work of Dr.

[00:35:41] Stephanie: Shauna Swan that there is a measure. Now it's, it's [00:35:45] not a measure. Most people are going to, be rushing to analyze in themselves or [00:35:50] the offspring. But there is a measure, it's called anal genital distance. It's literally the distance [00:35:55] from the ais to the genitals that can be measured in babies. That is a reliable [00:36:00] indicator of both phthalate exposure and therefore things downstream of that, [00:36:05] including PCOS and autism.

[00:36:07] Stephanie: And who do we know is at especially high [00:36:10] risk of developing gender dysphoria?

[00:36:11] Shane: People with autism,

[00:36:12] Stephanie: people with autism, [00:36:15] girls with PCOS are overrepresented in this population. Right? What else correlates [00:36:20] with all this obesity? So is this a real [00:36:25] thing? I think it's a real thing, but here's the problem with the gender critical community, and here's where I'm gonna go on my rant.[00:36:30]

[00:36:30] Stephanie: People don't wanna talk about this for a couple of reasons. So [00:36:35] one is. I think people in the gender critical community, including parents of RD kids, do not want to [00:36:40] give any credence to the idea that there could be a real biological [00:36:45] component to gender dysphoria. And another [00:36:50] reason that people don't wanna look at this is because of parental guilt.[00:36:55]

[00:36:55] Stephanie: The idea that you should have some, you should have done something differently when you were pregnant, when you were breastfeeding, when you [00:37:00] were raising your children to minimize their plastic exposure. So [00:37:05] that's emotional reasoning, right? And it's okay to have your emotions, [00:37:10] but we can't let emotional reasoning get in the way of, you know, on the broader scale of [00:37:15] society, being able to talk honestly about difficult issues.

[00:37:19] Stephanie: Okay, so [00:37:20] let me break down those two myths. Just because [00:37:25] there may be a biological component to [00:37:30] gender dysphoria does not mean that medicalizing. Is the right way to [00:37:35] go. Does not mean that a person, you know, a girl saying, I don't feel female, a [00:37:40] boy saying, I don't feel masculine. That doesn't mean that those claims [00:37:45] mean something about the person's identity and mean that they need to further [00:37:50] contaminate their bodies with wrong sex hormones.

[00:37:53] Stephanie: Those two things do not follow, [00:37:55] right? We can take this seriously. We can look at the fact that girls [00:38:00] with PCOS who claim to be trans probably have higher androgen levels and [00:38:05] their hormones are wonky, right? We can look at that and we can view that as a medical and a psychiatric issue [00:38:10] without believing that the Protran lobby has got this right.

[00:38:14] Stephanie: We can think they've [00:38:15] got it absolutely wrong. Second of all. Mom guilt. Dad Guilt. [00:38:20] Okay, I hear you. But you know, You gotta let that go at some point. [00:38:25] Like we cannot all control our exposure to environmental endocrine disrupting chemicals. And [00:38:30] yes, you can look back and realize that you drank from too many plastic water bottles, or you used too many [00:38:35] scented products before you learned about phalates and parabens.

[00:38:39] Stephanie: Okay. [00:38:40] Like, you know, We're all a little poisoned. You know, I'm, I'm sitting here poisoned, [00:38:45] like I got COVID. Same here. I got COVID once and I've had dysautonomia and chronic fatigue [00:38:50] ever since. So, you know, It, yes it, it sucks sometimes to [00:38:55] come to terms with the biological warfare going on in our own bodies.

[00:38:58] Stephanie: But [00:39:00] we have to be able to speak about these things. So I actually think. That there [00:39:05] is a biological component for many of these people. Does that mean it's not a social contagion? No it's, it's, it's a [00:39:10] confluence of factors. But could those be related? Absolutely. Right. [00:39:15] That's again, when I put my tinfoil hat on and I go, maybe the very same [00:39:20] wealthy and powerful people who are poisoning us with these chemicals through [00:39:25] unregulated industries, maybe they have a vested interest in covering up [00:39:30] the evidence of the problem by saying, oh, this is an identity you need to respect.

[00:39:33] Stephanie: This is a demographic that [00:39:35] deserves equal rights. This is a genuine, okay, that is my [00:39:40] soapbox. If you don't believe me, go read Dr. Shauna Swan's book countdown, or go watch the plastic [00:39:45] detox on Netflix and ran,

[00:39:46] Shane: or just look up atrazine [00:39:50] like there is studied research like Alex Jones was saying, [00:39:55] like there are chemicals in the water that are turning the frogs gay, and like there's actual [00:40:00] research on araz.

[00:40:02] Shane: So like, yeah, it's, and look, people

[00:40:04] Stephanie: let,

[00:40:04] Shane: [00:40:05] it's out there.

[00:40:05] Stephanie: I will just say the same, trying to say this in almost every conversation I have on this [00:40:10] podcast now, like parents who are listening, this is not where I give advice on [00:40:15] how to talk to your kids about these issues. So my advice on how to talk to your kids is in my [00:40:20] program, RGD repair.

[00:40:22] Stephanie: So, you know, I don't think it's necessarily [00:40:25] going to go over well. 'cause I have had moms come to me and say that they've done things like, you know, [00:40:30] their daughter has PCOS and autism and gender dysphoria. And the mom will say something [00:40:35] like, maybe what you actually need is estrogen, not testosterone. Okay.

[00:40:38] Stephanie: Fair point mom. [00:40:40] But that's not gonna go over well with your daughter. So if you wanna learn what, what will go over, well join my [00:40:45] program here on this podcast. We're not giving advice for how to talk about these issues. We're having the behind the [00:40:50] scenes chat in the gender critical scene for people who already agree with these perspectives and wanna [00:40:55] understand them better.

[00:40:56] Stephanie: So, Shane, back to you.

[00:40:57] Shane: Totally. So, Yeah, I, I love this [00:41:00] conversation. Because tying it back to semen retention, [00:41:05] to sexual energy optimization, what do we do with this energy that we're [00:41:10] cultivating? Right? So there's the NOFA scene, which is like, don't masturbate, bro. [00:41:15] Like, Just go on a streak. And like they just like, these guys just end up failing [00:41:20] and like relapsing into porn.

[00:41:21] Shane: 'Cause they have nothing to do with this energy. They're building up all this [00:41:25] testosterone, they're building up all this power, they're increasing their sperm count. And I just wanna say, you [00:41:30] know, as I said, I've come a long way. I was taking estrogen at one point. I just got my [00:41:35] blood work done for the first time this November after practicing semen [00:41:40] retention.

[00:41:40] Shane: For a year and a half. I didn't, I didn't hold it for that long, but I was [00:41:45] in active practice. And my testosterone levels were [00:41:50] higher. Then baseline average. I was like, okay, great. Like, it's, It's doing the thing [00:41:55] that I, that I wanted it to do. So what do we do with this energy? How, how is this, [00:42:00] How is this beneficial?

[00:42:01] Shane: Because testosterone's been kind of like demonized. It's like, why? [00:42:05] Like why would, why would you want that? You know? Like, Don't you just wanna be a chill [00:42:10] like, sensitive sweet man? Don't you wanna be the good guy? Like, Oh, [00:42:15] I'm just a good guy. Like, Oh he, he's such a good guy. He's [00:42:20] such a good guy. We don't want that.

[00:42:22] Shane: Good guys are typically right. [00:42:25] Repressing their sexual energy, watching a lot of porn. [00:42:30] Really scared to interact with women. And then when they do interact with women, it comes off as creepy or like [00:42:35] they don't know how to approach in the right way. And I was there like I, I know what that's like.

[00:42:39] Shane: I [00:42:40] know what that's like, not speaking from a place of judgment. But when we start to increase our [00:42:45] testosterone just for like young boys watching where like, I'm, [00:42:50] maybe I'm like struggling. Maybe you're struggling with porn right now or attracting women, you get more [00:42:55] strength, right? Like you can work out more, you can become more physically attractive, you can hold [00:43:00] muscle for longer.

[00:43:01] Shane: You can become more attractive to women. It's [00:43:05] great. Like I've, I've seen it firsthand. I used to think that I could never [00:43:10] attract anyone into my life. And I am, I have the most beautiful [00:43:15] partner ever right now. Like we started dating three months ago. She's [00:43:20] so fantastic. I love her so, so much. So great.

[00:43:24] Shane: So [00:43:25] we can start to attract people into our lives that are more [00:43:30] aligned, that are really beautiful, high quality people. As we let go of [00:43:35] pornography as we clear our minds from that sexual drunk [00:43:40] and we start to harness this power to become more masculine men, there were [00:43:45] practices that the no fab culture doesn't know like Qigong, like [00:43:50] Tai Chi, which is, was created by these monks to channel [00:43:55] that sexual energy to circulate it throughout the body.

[00:43:59] Shane: The Tao is say [00:44:00] that in these practices, you can circulate the sexual energy to nourish your organs, [00:44:05] to nourish your brain, to become more intelligent. That's why the NOFA community [00:44:10] fails, because they don't know how to circulate the energy. All the energy gets stuck. [00:44:15] Down in the hips, down in the balls, and it doesn't have anywhere to go.

[00:44:18] Shane: So people relapse into [00:44:20] porn. So there's nervous system regulation, tools, meditation, Qigong, [00:44:25] which is the things, breath work, which is the things that I help men with in my [00:44:30] coaching program to start to circulate that energy. [00:44:35] So once that energy is circulated, the mind becomes clear. I can focus [00:44:40] on things for hours.

[00:44:41] Shane: I can get a ton of work done. I mean, There's this whole book, think [00:44:45] and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill. I don't know if you've heard of that book, Stephanie. But yeah a, [00:44:50] a a something he talks about is semen retention in that book. [00:44:55] Fascinating. So, And that's in like western culture, right? So we start to get more [00:45:00] focus.

[00:45:01] Shane: Then what do we focus on? [00:45:05] What do we choose to direct our will towards? [00:45:10] And for me, and what I help my clients [00:45:15] figure out is come into this [00:45:20] understanding that we are in a very troubled world right now. We are being [00:45:25] poisoned by big corporations. We're in a mental health epidemic. I would say not [00:45:30] everyone would agree that there's a climate crisis that many [00:45:35] species are becoming endangered or being di are dying off.

[00:45:38] Shane: We're in a mass extinction event right [00:45:40] now. We're in a very troubled place and [00:45:45] we can choose to [00:45:50] direct our will and energy to take [00:45:55] responsibility in creating this world a more beautiful. Creating [00:46:00] a more beautiful, a more happy, a more vibrant, a more healthy world. [00:46:05] So many men feel like right now, they don't have a purpose.

[00:46:09] Shane: We're [00:46:10] like, there's so many doomsday narratives right now. There's so [00:46:15] much fear, there's so much terror. Yeah we're, we're in a global conflict. [00:46:20] Like, There's we're, we're in a really intense time right now and a lot of people feel [00:46:25] like there's nothing to do, that there's nothing they can do that it's too overwhelming.

[00:46:29] Shane: [00:46:30] And this just, okay, like then we'll just watch porn and forget about it, [00:46:35] you know, and numb out to the fact that the world's in a really dark place right now. [00:46:40] But what I help my clients. Find is their purpose. [00:46:45] We workshop. What's your purpose here? This is a very precious moment in [00:46:50] human history.

[00:46:51] Shane: While there is a lot of unrest, a lot of darkness it's a period of [00:46:55] revolution. And we can play a role in that. We can speak up, we can create [00:47:00] change, we can create technologies that can impact the world in a beautiful [00:47:05] way. For me, in my outward work, I work a lot in [00:47:10] the festival community, in the electronic dance music community hosting mass [00:47:15] meditations.

[00:47:15] Shane: I bring hundreds, thousands of people together to meditate together. [00:47:20] People can feel massive amount of peace expansion when we're in these [00:47:25] communities, right? 'cause I have this narrative that I, you know, I [00:47:30] went to school for psychology. I was doing my master's as a LPC. I didn't [00:47:35] finish fully. We need to create a culture that people [00:47:40] feel a sense of belonging.

[00:47:41] Shane: That mental health is woven [00:47:45] into the fabric of our culture, not just therapy that you go [00:47:50] to that's, that's parsed off from the situation of the world that we're in. [00:47:55] But if you're a man watching this, you have a purpose. You're [00:48:00] here for a reason. And when you start to clean up your act like [00:48:05] I did, get clean from pornography, start to harness this energy that's [00:48:10] been gifted to us as men.

[00:48:12] Shane: That can be not the good [00:48:15] guys, but the good men. We need good men in this [00:48:20] world. Right now, the world, I believe the world is starving [00:48:25] for good men. Real men who feel their emotions, who will say like. [00:48:30] no like, stop putting chemicals in our water. [00:48:35] Stop polluting our planet. Stop with the medical industrial complex.[00:48:40]

[00:48:40] Shane: There needs to be powerful, good men who will speak, who will [00:48:45] say enough is enough and will have the power to hold the line and to [00:48:50] create a brighter future for all of us. Honoring and respecting women, [00:48:55] uplifting women. But I believe full-heartedly that we need strong, [00:49:00] powerful men who are connected to their hearts, who can feel their emotions.

[00:49:04] Shane: That's [00:49:05] my soapbox. Like, that's, That's what I'm helping men with in my one-on-one work. It's [00:49:10] been fantastic to see the evolution that people go through. I mean, My own [00:49:15] was crazy. I'm, I'm this leader now in a very public space, [00:49:20] and I, I hadn't. Four years ago when I was taking hormones, I [00:49:25] never thought that I could do anything as powerful and as uplifting [00:49:30] and be so visible to the world as I am now.

[00:49:33] Shane: It's crazy.

[00:49:34] Stephanie: I wanna [00:49:35] circle back to that and go even deeper into that positive note. But [00:49:40] first, here's what I'd like to do. Yeah. I'd like to take a break and when we get back, I wanna [00:49:45] talk about the alternative path that many young men sadly [00:49:50] take. The false solution of estrogen and why [00:49:55] estrogen and drugs like spironolactone and sometimes progesterone, things like [00:50:00] this.

[00:50:00] Stephanie: Why these feminizing hormones and testosterone suppressing chemicals. [00:50:05] Feel like a solution to these young men feel like a solution to the [00:50:10] out of control sexual urges, the porn addiction and things like that. And then I'd like to [00:50:15] contrast that path with the path of purpose that you described. Are you a freethinking [00:50:20] therapist looking for like-minded community?

[00:50:22] Stephanie: The Association for Mental Health [00:50:25] Professionals is a sanctuary for holistic critical thinking counselors and therapists who [00:50:30] want to stand firm in our values and reclaim our profession. From ideologues, A [00:50:35] MHP offers its members a blog and podcast, monthly webinars, and an annual [00:50:40] conference each fall in Texas.

[00:50:42] Stephanie: Visit Association for mental health [00:50:45] professionals.org to join a growing number of like-minded therapists who want our [00:50:50] profession back. Alright, now back to the show. So before we circle back to [00:50:55] those beautiful points you were just making and hopefully end on a positive note. Yeah. I wanna talk [00:51:00] about why estrogen feels.

[00:51:02] Stephanie: Like a solution to these boys. And again, when I say [00:51:05] estrogen, I mean typically a testosterone blocker like spironolactone [00:51:10] plus estrogen, estradiol, maybe some progesterone. You know, These boys are on different [00:51:15] cocktails. I've heard different timelines like starting spironolactone for a couple months before [00:51:20] introducing estrogen.

[00:51:21] Stephanie: I've also heard of the opposite, where a boy will use a higher [00:51:25] dose of estrogen instead of taking a testosterone suppressor. I mean, All of [00:51:30] this is carcinogenic, so it's just complete quack [00:51:35] science. But I wanna talk about why it feels like a solution to these boys, [00:51:40] because, you know, one of the things we're doing in this podcast, and hopefully we're doing it well, hopefully [00:51:45] listeners will let us know with some supportive comments if we are successfully tackling the [00:51:50] myth that sweet, smart, sensitive boys don't use porn.

[00:51:54] Stephanie: You know, We've [00:51:55] explained why it's more complicated for them and how they can get their wires crossed and how they [00:52:00] don't wanna hurt women and, and the guilt and shame that they feel. [00:52:05] And, you know, another element of it that I think that you've begun to address [00:52:10] is how out of control and scary sexual urges can feel for [00:52:15] young men.

[00:52:15] Stephanie: It's like, I think sometimes when I'm talking to parents, some of them, not all of them, [00:52:20] but some of them, forget what it's like to be young and fertile [00:52:25] and you know, not necessarily feeling in control of these [00:52:30] urges, not feeling that they're manageable and how scary that must be [00:52:35] when you don't have any experience, when you don't have a [00:52:40] partner.

[00:52:40] Stephanie: Right. And how the wires can get crossed because your [00:52:45] outlet is pornography and masturbation. But, I [00:52:50] think a big part of the reason that some of these young men end up medicalizing, in addition to the sissy hypno content, which [00:52:55] is your area of expertise, is that those drugs suppress [00:53:00] testosterone and therefore lower their sexual drives.

[00:53:03] Stephanie: And that, I think, can [00:53:05] feel like a relief to young men who feel out of control of their sex drives. What would you say about that, [00:53:10] Shane?

[00:53:10] Shane: I 100% agree. Wrapping back to the Me Too [00:53:15] movement, male sexual energy has been demonized [00:53:20] in our culture. And it's, it's energy. [00:53:25] It's just energy. It's, It's how we use it and we, it's [00:53:30] not anyone's fault because we don't have the proper tools to utilize it correctly.

[00:53:34] Shane: But [00:53:35] at its current state it's, it's dark, it's [00:53:40] hurt, it's created a lot of pain in our world, in our culture, and [00:53:45] that can be really scary for young boys who really care. So yes, it's [00:53:50] like, oh my God, I get to escape. This is totally apart from me. I get to escape [00:53:55] this demon that's inside of me that just culture's told me is just [00:54:00] gonna rape and destroy and take for itself.

[00:54:03] Shane: So it it, [00:54:05] it gives, it gives an out. It, it, It turns it down. You know, Another part of it is [00:54:10] anger has been demonized in our culture as [00:54:15] well. Yeah. And that's because anger has been [00:54:20] misplaced, right? Like a lot of like Gen X dads like, you know, [00:54:25] you're talking about take, you know, if, if there's anger, take it out [00:54:30] on their wife or their kids, and we can talk about this [00:54:35] more.

[00:54:35] Shane: Like a big part for me in like this [00:54:40] evolving masculinity is reclaiming my anger. And having [00:54:45] anger towards the society that is producing all this [00:54:50] harm, having anger towards the people who are producing sissy hypno, [00:54:55] having anger towards people who are putting chemicals in the water. That [00:55:00] anger can be vital energy that we can utilize to make the world a better place.

[00:55:04] Shane: [00:55:05] But we're giving, we're society's giving [00:55:10] us ways to suppress that. Giving young boys a way to su suppress that. [00:55:15] There's no space for anger, for sweet, smart, sensitive [00:55:20] boys. There's no place for that. They don't want to be angry. They don't want to be [00:55:25] harmful. So again if, if they can take something [00:55:30] that will repress anger and make them more agreeable and more [00:55:35] kind and more sweet, that's a great out. That's a great out.

[00:55:39] Stephanie: [00:55:40] And the vast majority of these boys do have [00:55:45] anger because most humans have anger. It's a rare human, [00:55:50] I'm not gonna say there aren't people who don't feel anger. 'cause I'm, I'm [00:55:55] married to someone who's probably like in the, like lowest percentile in terms of how much he [00:56:00] feels and expresses anger.

[00:56:01] Stephanie: And that is genuinely my husband's nature. [00:56:05] Like some people just don't feel that much anger, but most people do. [00:56:10] And including the people for whom it's in conflict with their [00:56:15] identity. For whom anger is, as I've spoken about in different contexts, ego [00:56:20] dystonic for them. In other words, the sensation of anger does not fit with [00:56:25] who they see themselves to be.

[00:56:26] Stephanie: So Shane, you just articulated how [00:56:30] estrogen and that class of drugs that it goes along with are an escape bold [00:56:35] from the anger. And the sex drive. There's a couple other angles I wanna address this [00:56:40] issue from as well. So one is that many of these boys [00:56:45] are, and frankly the girls as well, are quite alexathymic, meaning they have difficulty [00:56:50] naming and recognizing and identifying emotions.

[00:56:53] Stephanie: And some of [00:56:55] that might be the autism in some cases. Some of it might be just lack of emotional [00:57:00] intelligence training. What they, their cultural influences have been, many aren't [00:57:05] very emotionally literate, and they're also quite dissociated from [00:57:10] spending so much time online, whether it's gaming, porn, whatever they're doing online.[00:57:15]

[00:57:15] Stephanie: I think as a result, when estrogen makes them feel emotional, [00:57:20] there's a sense of like, oh, I finally have emotions. I'm finally in touch with [00:57:25] emotions. I hear this a lot through the parent self reports, and it's a synthetic [00:57:30] induced, it's a chemically induced emotional state Now, as a woman. [00:57:35] I can see that from a different angle because when I was younger and I tried going on hormonal birth [00:57:40] control, it made me feel crazy.

[00:57:41] Stephanie: I could not stop crying. Like I'm already a sensitive emotional [00:57:45] woman who has hormonal fluctuations. But when I took birth control, when I was taking [00:57:50] synthetic hormones, I was crying nonstop. I was [00:57:55] way too emotional and it felt like I was poisoning myself. But I'm thinking, okay, what if I was an [00:58:00] Lexi Thymic male who is a little autistic and hardly feels [00:58:05] anything and it has no emotional awareness, and I took those same chemicals, [00:58:10] would I have a sense of, oh, finally I have feelings.

[00:58:14] Stephanie: And I think that [00:58:15] is like what it is for some of these boys. And I'll tell you what happens when I talk to the [00:58:20] parents, sometimes the parents haven't put two and two together yet. So they'll come to me and they'll tell me about a really emotional [00:58:25] exchange they had with their son, and they'll say, oh yeah, and we were talking about this gender [00:58:30] stuff and we were crying, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[00:58:32] Stephanie: And I'm like, wait a minute. Had your son ever [00:58:35] cried before? Okay, when did he start taking estrogen? And then we figure out the timeline. I'm like, he [00:58:40] was crying because he was on drugs, [00:58:45] and he's romanticized the idea of having emotions at [00:58:50] all E even though this is a synthetic, chemically induced sense of [00:58:55] emotion.

[00:58:55] Stephanie: So that's one angle. And then the other angle I wanna make sure to address [00:59:00] is that many of these boys are conflicted and [00:59:05] have ambivalence pulling them in different directions. So one of the tools I teach in my course is how to [00:59:10] recognize your child's signs of ambivalence and endow and inner conflict and work with that.

[00:59:14] Stephanie: But I [00:59:15] think some of these boys have a love hate relationship with their sexuality. In other words, [00:59:20] when they're overwhelmed by their sexual urges and maybe addicted to porn and masturbation, they want nothing [00:59:25] more than to go on spironolactone and estrogen and suppress that sex drive. [00:59:30] Then once that's working.

[00:59:33] Stephanie: They can't even get an erection [00:59:35] anymore. They want it back. So I think it can really go both ways and that, that [00:59:40] contradiction explains some of the behavior.

[00:59:42] Shane: Yeah, I mean, I took estrogen for three [00:59:45] weeks and I, I felt that emotional experience from that [00:59:50] and yeah, it was, it was beautiful at [00:59:55] the time. But yeah, it's not, as you said, it's [01:00:00] synthetic.

[01:00:01] Shane: And again, for me, like [01:00:05] by far, the best way to get in touch with my emotional world has [01:00:10] been through meditation. Sit down, close your [01:00:15] eyes, not distracted by anything else. And we just start to [01:00:20] observe and we just start to feel what's going on in our interior. [01:00:25] And there's a lot. There's, There's all the, you know, the [01:00:30] pain of our life is there.

[01:00:33] Shane: It, it's, It's a [01:00:35] lot. And there's also all the joy and the laughter and the peace [01:00:40] and, you know, our, our, our parents are in there. Like our, our [01:00:45] intergenerational trauma you know, is, is passed down to us. And, And we can [01:00:50] start to feel that. And it's hard, like people don't wanna sit and [01:00:55] meditate. Like the hardest thing in our culture [01:01:00] that's fast paced, that's having us consume all the time.

[01:01:03] Shane: That's, That's constantly telling [01:01:05] us that we should be productive as much as possible. The hardest thing to do is to [01:01:10] sit still. To do that consistently. But the, the [01:01:15] benefits from it are insane. I mean, I was I, I was a research [01:01:20] assistant at the Brain and Creativity Institute at the University of Southern California when I was an [01:01:25] undergrad, and we were doing brain scans on expert meditators.

[01:01:29] Shane: [01:01:30] And yeah, I know mindfulness is becoming more popular and people know more about it, [01:01:35] but the amount of research there is on meditation, [01:01:40] helping with depression, with anxiety, with A DHD, with [01:01:45] addiction recovery. There's, there's, There's so much. And it's literally free. I [01:01:50] mean, you, You definitely wanna pay a teacher, you know, for their time, but it's, it's, [01:01:55] you just get to sit here and heal yourself.

[01:01:57] Shane: It's truly a miracle. And, And [01:02:00] you there's, there's nothing fabricated about it. There's nothing fabricated. It's just [01:02:05] you and what is what, what you're experiencing in the present moment.

[01:02:08] Stephanie: Shane, you said that you [01:02:10] felt that emotional experience for the three weeks you were on estrogen and then it was [01:02:15] beautiful.

[01:02:15] Stephanie: And I'm wondering if you can give us some inside scoop on what was that like as a male to have [01:02:20] estrogen coursing through your body and that sort of chemically induced emotional state. What was that like? [01:02:25]

[01:02:25] Shane: I, it was a while ago. It was more than four years ago. I was already more emotionally [01:02:30] open. I had started meditating already.

[01:02:32] Shane: I had started practicing breath work, so I would [01:02:35] say I was, I was higher on the emotionally intelligent scale [01:02:40] already. But yeah, I was like, just like crying tears of joy. I remember [01:02:45] just like crying tears of joy when I was skiing one day and I grew up skiing. It was like [01:02:50] a, yeah, a big activity in my life.

[01:02:52] Shane: And very rarely had I just [01:02:55] like cried tears of. For skiing, and that's beautiful, right? Like [01:03:00] skiing is like a fantastically beautiful thing that deserves tears of joy. [01:03:05] And having that, I was like, whoa. Like I, when that happened, [01:03:10] there was a part of me that's like, I'm actually more in touch with reality when I wasn't, [01:03:15] you know, I had this like, this, this like awe [01:03:20] sense of skiing and it's like, yeah, skiing the mountains, snowcap mountains deserves [01:03:25] that.

[01:03:25] Shane: But it was synthetically induced, you know? So [01:03:30] yeah, there was, there was a, I, you know, [01:03:35] already being emotionally intelligent, knowing the value of [01:03:40] that and then having what seemed to be greater access to [01:03:45] my emotional landscape felt like I [01:03:50] was, I was. Finding deeper alignment in myself that I was, I was more in touch with [01:03:55] reality when I wasn't.

[01:03:56] Stephanie: So it's a very seductive [01:04:00] feeling. Sometimes I refer to this as the imaginary inner girlfriend. [01:04:05] I'm curious now that you have done so much healing work and now [01:04:10] you say that you have a girlfriend and that she's wonderful and you adore [01:04:15] her. And now that you are much more in touch with your own healthy masculinity and you're, [01:04:20] you're channeling your sense of purpose, comparing those two states, right?

[01:04:24] Stephanie: [01:04:25] Comparing that moment that you remember skiing and having this sense of awe and wonder [01:04:30] and like, wow, I'm so alive. I'm really feeling the feelings except it's just like [01:04:35] a drug. Comparing that to what it's like now. [01:04:40] Much more confident in your masculinity and having a woman in your [01:04:45] life who is that, you know, that external [01:04:50] person you can be in relationship with and experience those things.

[01:04:53] Stephanie: Kind of like, [01:04:55] I don't wanna say vicariously through her, but through, through relationship rather than through [01:05:00] trying to be that yourself.

[01:05:02] Shane: Yeah, totally. I mean, this is, This is a great [01:05:05] topic where, you know the, the internal girlfriend, auto [01:05:10] phi erotic, target inversion yeah. These, the, [01:05:15] these are all fascinating things to research.

[01:05:17] Shane: Yeah. We, We have [01:05:20] Carl Yung. You know, we, We have the anima and the animus for men. We have [01:05:25] the, the internal feminine. And for women, they have the, the internal repre, repressed, [01:05:30] masculine. And we have both energies inside of us. But in an, in a, [01:05:35] in a healthy psyche man has this [01:05:40] anima inside to find relationship with that in the external world, right?

[01:05:44] Shane: [01:05:45] To, To go and find the girlfriend. And yeah, it's like I, I, [01:05:50] my partner's fantastic. She's very feminine. She's like totally in her like [01:05:55] energy. She's very beautiful. Yeah I, [01:06:00] I attracted her not through forcing, not through like [01:06:05] making the move as like. Conquest [01:06:10] masculinity would have us do. She came to me.

[01:06:12] Shane: It was very effortless. [01:06:15] And yeah, I think that's like another, like misnomer, you know, for a lot of, for a lot of [01:06:20] guys that like, you have to make the move. Like you have to like do the, you have to capture her, you know, or [01:06:25] whatever. But when we're really in touch with our healthy masculinity, the right, the right people come in, [01:06:30] I get to continue to be in touch with my feminine side.

[01:06:34] Shane: [01:06:35] I, we go to festivals together and I, I buy her clothes. [01:06:40] I used to wear rave, like women's rave outfits, two [01:06:45] raves myself when I was trans. So I can still be in touch [01:06:50] with that part of me that's like, oh, like this, like glamor, this like [01:06:55] beauty, this like way of adorning making something so beautiful. I can be in [01:07:00] touch with that still and give that to my girlfriend and my girlfriend's like, whoa, [01:07:05] this is like the greatest thing ever.

[01:07:06] Shane: Like, You have like a sense of women's fashion. I'm like, yeah [01:07:10] it's, it's dope. But it's not like with erotic target inversion [01:07:15] with auto gen phi that you're, we're misunderstanding that by putting [01:07:20] that onto ourself, you know, as men. And that's just, I will [01:07:25] argue not what's supposed to be happening, but more on the emotional side of things.[01:07:30]

[01:07:30] Shane: My emotions are in a far better place. I, I live, [01:07:35] I live a really fantastic life. I'm, I'm a leader. I've, I've built [01:07:40] community locally. I get to, you know, withholding breath work, [01:07:45] withholding meditation communities like, you know, like I'll lead [01:07:50] mass meditations where like people are crying, where like I'm crying while I'm leading the [01:07:55] meditation.

[01:07:55] Shane: Where we're finding this collective healing in the moment I've [01:08:00] taken responsibility you know, for the [01:08:05] parts of our world that I wish that could be better. You know, Like a big [01:08:10] part when I was like coming out of the addiction was like [01:08:15] having this understanding that if we were taught how to regulate our nervous systems [01:08:20] and to feel our emotions when we were in.

[01:08:24] Shane: [01:08:25] Elementary school, middle school, we'd be in a much different place. Like I probably wouldn't have [01:08:30] fallen as much into the addiction, you know, or if at all. Right? [01:08:35] So I've taken responsibility for this anger [01:08:40] that I have towards the world with the trauma that it, it dealt [01:08:45] me and have created something and created a [01:08:50] business created financial abundance.

[01:08:52] Shane: I have tons of friends. I get to [01:08:55] travel all over the world for my work. I was [01:09:00] teaching at a music festival in Costa Rica. I I went to [01:09:05] Mexico after that, and then I went to Hawaii. I was like traveling for four and a half weeks and I just got [01:09:10] back from that 'cause of the work that I'm doing. And, yeah, like [01:09:15] sissy hypno, taking hormones. It's, It's a escape. [01:09:20] It's a escape from our responsibility as men [01:09:25] of making the world a better place. It's, It's an escape. It's an [01:09:30] escape from utilizing our sexual energy to create a better [01:09:35] world. It's an escape from directing our anger, you [01:09:40] know, towards the places that should be put, channeling that energy and anger towards [01:09:45] making the world a better place, right?

[01:09:46] Shane: Like a lot of these parents who are talking about like, feel [01:09:50] guilty may, may feel guilty for starting to address the, the [01:09:55] chemical issue, right? And like, you shouldn't feel guilty, like [01:10:00] get the guilt off your back. Like, let's, Let's direct that [01:10:05] outwards and build a better world and start to hold the people responsible.[01:10:10]

[01:10:10] Shane: Who are poisoning us. Yeah, my emotional landscape is [01:10:15] far more intense, vast, beautiful ever [01:10:20] expanding because of my meditation practice, because I've [01:10:25] taken responsibility for my life and have created [01:10:30] community through that. And, And yeah, I've [01:10:35] harnessed my sexual energy to do that and to attract a beautiful partner into [01:10:40] my life.

[01:10:40] Shane: Like I love my life right now. And there's challenges, like being a [01:10:45] leader is scary. Like taking up space is scary. Like going on these [01:10:50] podcasts, talking about you know, talking about these sensitive [01:10:55] issues publicly, you know, if you look up healing from sissy [01:11:00] hypno on YouTube, like I'm the only person who comes up.

[01:11:03] Shane: Who has like, been through it and is sharing about [01:11:05] it publicly. It's scary. Like these things are scary. [01:11:10] It's, it's, It's hard. And we can either take an excuse from that and like, [01:11:15] watch porn and numb ourselves out with whatever drug or [01:11:20] consumer thing or HRT that we want to do, or we can [01:11:25] utilize this energy to face our fear and to create some beauty and to inspire people.

[01:11:29] Shane: [01:11:30] Like the amount of emails I get like, dude, like you, you've given me [01:11:35] hope. Like, Thank you for doing this. Like, I, I, I [01:11:40] went to a retreat with one of my clients in Mexico and he told me, he is like, you [01:11:45] saved my life, like talking about this publicly. You've saved my [01:11:50] life. And I've seen him progress out of this addiction.

[01:11:53] Shane: And it's like, I, [01:11:55] I saved a man's life. Like. The, The, [01:12:00] that joy, like that's real. Like that's hard earned. That [01:12:05] That took time. That took me overcoming my own addiction, that took me overcoming my own [01:12:10] fears. That took all the meditation training and the nervous system regulation and the daily [01:12:15] practices that I do, and then showing up for someone else to teach that to them.

[01:12:18] Shane: And he is like, [01:12:20] dude, you saved my life. Like I could, I like, if I get hit by a [01:12:25] car today, like I will know I made an impact in this world. [01:12:30] And that far surpasses any synthetic [01:12:35] emotional manipulation that I gained when I took estrogen, [01:12:40] infinitely surpasses.

[01:12:42] Stephanie: Well, That's an inspiring story and it's so [01:12:45] great to see you get so lit up.

[01:12:46] Stephanie: I know some people will just be listening. I'm happy to you about

[01:12:48] Shane: this.

[01:12:49] Stephanie: I [01:12:50] think if they're, if you're just listening, you can hear the passion and authenticity in his voice, and I, you [01:12:55] know, I'm sitting here seeing your face light up as you're talking about your purpose. [01:13:00] One thing that comes up a lot in my parent coaching work is the hard now, [01:13:05] easy later versus easy now, hard later paths.

[01:13:08] Stephanie: It's this way with [01:13:10] anything, right? Like you can reach for the candy and stay on the couch now, and that'll [01:13:15] be easy now, and it'll be hard later when you're feeling [01:13:20] heavier and more sedentary and more weak and everything just gets harder and harder. [01:13:25] Right? It's the same thing with anything you can reach for, something that numbs your emotions in the present [01:13:30] and.

[01:13:31] Stephanie: Not strengthen any other coping tools and end up [01:13:35] weaker and more dependent on your bad habits later. Or you can, as they [01:13:40] sometimes say, eat the frog, right? You can do the hard thing first. You can take the path of [01:13:45] more resistance. You can actively choose to take on [01:13:50] difficult and scary things to march into the unknown, to choose the more difficult path.[01:13:55]

[01:13:55] Stephanie: And then you get the reward down the line. The reward's not guaranteed. You have to work for [01:14:00] it, and you have to be willing to face the unknown and, and know that some things might not work out, [01:14:05] but it's that path of character development, of building [01:14:10] strength that leads to those outcomes. And so in parent coaching, we talk about [01:14:15] how.

[01:14:16] Stephanie: Like you were saying, right? The, The estrogen [01:14:20] and the drugs that go with it. That's, That's the easy now, hard later. It does give you [01:14:25] that escape. You can escape into the numbing fantasy. You can [01:14:30] temporarily feel better, temporarily feel alleviated of [01:14:35] drives like anger and sexuality. And you can take [01:14:40] shelter, take refuge, hiding out in the identity, protecting yourself [01:14:45] momentarily from the pressures of adult life and all that it demands of you in terms [01:14:50] of your independence and your skill and your stability.

[01:14:54] Stephanie: But ultimately your [01:14:55] life will get harder and harder and your world will get smaller and smaller. So I work with parents [01:15:00] sometimes to help them find are there any areas of life in which your child [01:15:05] has learned this for themselves? That. Sometimes doing the thing that's hard [01:15:10] today makes me thankful tomorrow that I made that choice.

[01:15:14] Stephanie: So I [01:15:15] love seeing this example of someone who's been on that path for a few years now and, you know, [01:15:20] you're, you're seeing that reward, you're seeing that you have this rich life. You have a community. You [01:15:25] have people who love you all over the world. You have opportunities to make a real difference in people's lives, and you [01:15:30] get that genuine reward that came from doing the hard things.

[01:15:34] Stephanie: [01:15:35] But you did have to, what I've heard sometimes described as [01:15:40] urge surf. You know, Riding out the wave a [01:15:45] tolerating the urge to do something addictive sitting through that [01:15:50] practice. I know meditation and breath work are really, really big parts of that for [01:15:55] you. And so, you know, every now and then I will [01:16:00] get an email or something from.

[01:16:02] Stephanie: A young man who [01:16:05] thanks me. I, I think not nearly to the level that you do, that you do because you specialize in this work. You [01:16:10] specialize in helping men with this issue. Every now and then I'll get a thank you for platforming [01:16:15] someone like you or, you know, things like that, right? And for, from the young [01:16:20] men who struggle with autogynephilia urges, struggle with porn addiction, but they know that [01:16:25] that's not the right path for them, and they are looking for that alternative content.

[01:16:29] Stephanie: [01:16:30] So my question is if, if you could say something directly to those young men [01:16:35] who are looking at these two paths before them, looking at the one that's easy now, hard later, [01:16:40] where they can choose the path of least resistance, the thing that feels [01:16:45] good in the moment, the things that gives them escape from the pressures.

[01:16:49] Stephanie: Or they [01:16:50] can. You know, Do what looks from here, like embarking on climbing a huge [01:16:55] mountain, right? That, that they have to exercise. Self-restraint, self-control, [01:17:00] surfing these urges, dealing with the unknown, dealing with fears, feeling like [01:17:05] overwhelmed by their emotions, feeling like, you know, by, by being goal directed, that [01:17:10] they're expressing toxic masculinity.

[01:17:11] Stephanie: Like all these things that they're afraid of, they would have to conquer [01:17:15] or deal with in some way to get to the other side. What nudge would you give them to help [01:17:20] them understand that it's worth it and how to begin on that path?

[01:17:24] Shane: Well, I'll just [01:17:25] start by saying the view is great. Like, I wouldn't say on I'm at the top, but [01:17:30] like, I'm much higher up than I was and it's, it's beautiful up here.

[01:17:34] Shane: [01:17:35] I mean, Yeah nothing, nothing beautiful in this [01:17:40] world comes easily, come, comes quickly. This. [01:17:45] This pornography is intense. It's dark, it's [01:17:50] intentionally intelligently manipulative. So I'm not, I'm not gonna [01:17:55] sugarcoat it and be like, you can do it. You know, like, it's, It's hard, but you can do [01:18:00] it. And the tools that I learned in [01:18:05] my journey when I, when I decided, okay, I am going to overcome this.

[01:18:09] Shane: [01:18:10] I am going to do this. The, The tools I [01:18:15] learned, the people I met, the places that I went internally and [01:18:20] externally to achieve this goal [01:18:25] has completely changed my life. Like [01:18:30] the people, the people, like so many of the people who have done [01:18:35] incredible things in this world have. Overcome dark trauma, [01:18:40] have overcome intense addictions.

[01:18:42] Shane: Like the people who come out of heroin [01:18:45] addiction, who come outta meth addiction. They are standup people when they [01:18:50] make it out. They are, They are wise, wise people. They, [01:18:55] They benefit their communities so much because of the spiritual, emotional, [01:19:00] and physical wisdom that they've learned in overcoming that.

[01:19:03] Shane: And you can be that [01:19:05] person. You can be that person. You have a purpose Here, we've been made [01:19:10] to feel, especially a lot of men, all of us, like with our culture that [01:19:15] with nihilism and where we're at, that we [01:19:20] don't have a purpose that it's meaningless here, but you can help people, you [01:19:25] can help relieve suffering for yourself and others like.

[01:19:29] Shane: [01:19:30] That's, That's like the baseline thing. I help like, people who are nihilists like, [01:19:35] okay, like even if there is no meaning, like you still suffer, [01:19:40] other people still suffer, you still do things, even if they're [01:19:45] shortsighted, to try to relieve your suffering. So there is still meaning, [01:19:50] 'cause you're, you're looking to alleviate suffering.

[01:19:53] Shane: Even if you think you're [01:19:55] nihilist, let's just alleviate some suffering. Let's do it in a better way. Like, Start with yourself, [01:20:00] learn some tools to start to alleviate some internal suffering. It, It's [01:20:05] gonna benefit your life in, in infinite amount of ways. And then you can get to a place where, [01:20:10] whoa I, I can share this with other people and I can help other people [01:20:15] alleviate suffering that they're going through.

[01:20:16] Shane: Wow, this makes me feel really good. I'm being of [01:20:20] service to other people. I'm, I'm I'm thinking about the world. I'm thinking [01:20:25] about others more than my own addictive [01:20:30] drives. That that's a, That's a pretty good place to be in. That's, That's a place I want to be [01:20:35] in. And a place that I'm, I've been building towards, and I, I continue to [01:20:40] strive in my efforts.

[01:20:42] Shane: You're here for a reason. [01:20:45] Whatever you do to overcome this, you're gonna become the most strong, [01:20:50] powerful, loving man there is. That's what's happened to me. Like, [01:20:55] it, It's been so fantastic. So that's the [01:21:00] nudge. That's the nudge I would give men who are struggling with this. I'm here [01:21:05] as a support, as you guys know, as Stephanie has talked about.

[01:21:09] Shane: I help [01:21:10] men overcome this. Through breath work, through [01:21:15] meditation, through nervous system regulation. My [01:21:20] approach is deeply backed in positive psychology and [01:21:25] neuroscience. With my background at the University of Southern California, I am also deeply [01:21:30] embedded in the spiritual traditions of Buddhism and other traditions [01:21:35] of the east.

[01:21:36] Shane: These have been very beneficial. I use them as philosophies that [01:21:40] have been beneficial for me and beneficial for a lot of my clients that you can take or leave. Yeah, I've been [01:21:45] working with men in a one-on-one context for about two years [01:21:50] now. And I'm starting to move towards a group [01:21:55] container.

[01:21:55] Shane: Yeah, it's been really interesting putting myself out there. 'cause [01:22:00] Yeah I, I would set up like con I would have like a way for men to book connection calls with me. And [01:22:05] yeah, a lot of guys would no show. And for the people who did show up, [01:22:10] they were terrified. I was the first person they had [01:22:15] told that they'd been addicted to this.

[01:22:18] Shane: And they were like, I [01:22:20] had guys like shaking on the call. I'm like, bro, like it's just me and you, like you're [01:22:25] safe. Like, You can share this with me. But there's so much shame, so much shame, [01:22:30] and a lot of guys with no show. And yeah, for me like, [01:22:35] you know, I'm, I'm still young, like I'm 25. You know, It's a pretty, [01:22:40] it's been a, it's a, yeah, it's been a challenge.

[01:22:42] Shane: Like, It's been a beautiful challenge, like working with [01:22:45] men in this way and the men that. Have decided to work one-on-one with me. It's been [01:22:50] fantastic witnessing the transformation and helping them grow their emotional [01:22:55] worlds and just having a space to chat with each other. But yeah [01:23:00] I, I couldn't respond to like all the emails that I got.

[01:23:03] Shane: I, I didn't know like [01:23:05] if people were gonna actually sign up for the calls or not. And then another thing I was finding, [01:23:10] Stephanie was like, I was telling guys like, you know, [01:23:15] you, you have to have some sort of daily nervous system regulation [01:23:20] practice, whether it's meditation, whether it's Qigong, breathwork, or [01:23:25] working out.

[01:23:25] Shane: Like There's gotta be some sort of daily thing. And [01:23:30] a lot of guys were like, expecting me to save them [01:23:35] almost. And I would tell them like, you gotta put the work in on your own. [01:23:40] We're gonna do like, I'm gonna teach you these breathwork practices. I'm gonna teach you these meditation [01:23:45] tools, but it's up to you to implement them.

[01:23:48] Shane: So it, it does [01:23:50] take, it does take a, a buy-in, you know, especially if you're, if you're deep in this [01:23:55] addiction to yourself and to like, loving yourself and, and trusting [01:24:00] yourself. So this is all to say, what I'm moving towards is I just built out my first [01:24:05] group online container. It's with my brand EDM Breathwork.

[01:24:09] Shane: This [01:24:10] is what I travel the world teaching at music festivals. They're very accessible. [01:24:15] Breath work and meditation techniques, nervous system regulation tools [01:24:20] that go to electronic dance music to our favorite songs. My friend [01:24:25] Christina Joy and I run it together. So we switch off teaching.

[01:24:29] Shane: We have [01:24:30] twice a week live meditation and breath work calls over Zoom. [01:24:35] And then we also have a bunch of course content on breath work on nervous [01:24:40] system regulation. I'm gonna start putting courses on there on the sexual energy [01:24:45] ization. So I'm wanting now I'm, I'm doing this podcast with [01:24:50] you today. I'm doing another podcast on Wednesday with talking about Sissy hypno and my journey [01:24:55] with this.

[01:24:55] Shane: If you're here, if you're wanting to work with me, if you're listening, if you've made it this far in the podcast, [01:25:00] join the EDM Breathwork Council. The council is the name of the online group. [01:25:05] It's a much lower ticket entry point like a lot more affordable [01:25:10] than my one-on-one coaching. And it's gonna give you the foundation of [01:25:15] nervous system regulation.

[01:25:16] Shane: And then you'll also get to know me more, more, [01:25:20] get to know my work more, and then we can move to we can move to [01:25:25] one-on-one coaching from there. But yeah, I've found I, I don't, I don't [01:25:30] have time for. I don't have any more space for all the no-shows on the [01:25:35] connection calls. And like, I know, I know like some of you guys are scared.

[01:25:39] Shane: And I also [01:25:40] have like missed emails like, I'm gonna own that in this podcast. Like, I've missed emails too. [01:25:45] The, The process of setting up one-on-one work was too time intensive for [01:25:50] me, and I think. A bit too intimate to start for a lot of guys. So if you're [01:25:55] curious about my work, we'll have it linked.

[01:25:57] Shane: Below you can join the council to [01:26:00] start to do some breath work with me to start to meditate with me in a group. [01:26:05] Obviously, we're not gonna be sharing about our deepest trauma, so you can stay anonymous with what you're struggling [01:26:10] with. And then once you get to know me more, you can reach out.

[01:26:13] Stephanie: That sounds great, Shane. [01:26:15] We will make sure to include the link to your EDM Breathwork [01:26:20] Council. I'm really glad that young men who need someone like [01:26:25] you have you, you know, taking these risks, putting yourself out there, being vulnerable, sharing your [01:26:30] story, and being a leader. So anything else you wanna share here at [01:26:35] the end about where people can find you?

[01:26:37] Shane: Yeah, my personal Instagram [01:26:40] is breathing with Shane. You can follow, [01:26:45] yeah, EDM breath work as well if you're in Colorado. [01:26:50] If you're in the front range area, I do a weekly [01:26:55] group at Red Rocks Amphitheater called Breath Rocks sunrise Yoga, [01:27:00] breathwork Meditation at Red Rocks Amphitheater. It's beautiful.

[01:27:04] Shane: It's a [01:27:05] fantastic community. So if you're in Colorado please join, please come by. [01:27:10] And then the last thing I wanna say is, i'm gonna be hosting a retreat [01:27:15] for men who are struggling with sissy hypno, who are struggling with all these things [01:27:20] that we were talking about on this podcast. I'm going to do it next [01:27:25] year, this time.

[01:27:26] Shane: I just got the initial idea for it. I was [01:27:30] assisting a retreat in Hawaii last week, and I was like, you know [01:27:35] what? I got these podcasts coming up. I, I'm gonna, I'm gonna talk about [01:27:40] this and I'm gonna commit again. I'm goal oriented, striving towards my purpose, [01:27:45] giving myself short, shorter term goals to focus on, to [01:27:50] build towards this.

[01:27:50] Shane: This is a longer one, this'll be a bigger one. But next year, this time around the [01:27:55] Equinox I want it to be in Hawaii. I was at a beautiful retreat center [01:28:00] there who wants to host us. On the big island in a cloud [01:28:05] forest, in a forest that was regenerated 40 years ago. It was, It was cattle [01:28:10] land and this hyper intelligent ecologist regenerated this entire [01:28:15] forest.

[01:28:15] Shane: And I think it's a really beautiful metaphor for, yeah, the fact that like [01:28:20] we can be in dark places like our life, we can be completely destroyed by [01:28:25] addiction and we can regenerate into something really beautiful. So I'm wanting to do a breath work [01:28:30] meditation, nervous system regulation retreat for men who are [01:28:35] struggling with this in Hawaii on this beautiful land.

[01:28:38] Shane: I want you to be there. We'll [01:28:40] be in person. I've, I'm maybe not I, I'm pointing to the people who are watching [01:28:45] this. I want, I want to be like Yeah, but we, I mean, you're, you're one [01:28:50] of your retreats too.

[01:28:50] Stephanie: Not, I mean, I'd love to do a retreat with you. I know exactly where you're talking about on the big island as well.

[01:28:54] Shane: Oh, [01:28:55] you do? Oh

[01:28:55] Stephanie: yeah, Yeah. I've to the cloud Forest Sanctuary, and I've stayed a retreat [01:29:00] center close by.

[01:29:01] Shane: Oh yeah. My, my girlfriend. Yeah.

[01:29:02] Stephanie: It's my favorite place in the world.

[01:29:03] Shane: My girlfriend [01:29:05] hosted a retreat, a wellness retreat for photographers. She's a professional photographer.

[01:29:09] Stephanie: Very

[01:29:09] Shane: cool. So [01:29:10] she got a bunch of professional photographers together and I did breath work and meditation there.

[01:29:14] Shane: And [01:29:15] she had all these styled shoots with models at like the YPO Valley and in the [01:29:20] sanctuary. And I was like, oh, yeah, like I gotta bring men here. And [01:29:25] like, yeah, a parent's retreat with you. Like, I think [01:29:30] that could be something really cool. I know we like briefly touched on that, but like, why not at the [01:29:35] Cloud Forest?

[01:29:35] Shane: Like it's stunning.

[01:29:37] Stephanie: Yeah, we're planting seeds [01:29:40] so, so people can get in touch with you through your Instagram and [01:29:45] if they're interested in this retreat is, you know, I think building a retreat for the first [01:29:50] time it's, it's stone soup. You know, You build it, they come right? You like, everyone adds a little something.

[01:29:54] Stephanie: [01:29:55] So this is part of getting that momentum going. People, please reach out to Shane if you or a [01:30:00] loved one want to attend one of his retreats. Okay. Awesome. Thank you so much for [01:30:05] joining me. It's been a pleasure. Thank you for listening [01:30:10] to you Must Be some kind of Therapist. If you enjoyed this episode.[01:30:15]

[01:30:15] Stephanie: Kindly take a moment to rate, review, share, or comment on it using your [01:30:20] platform of choice. And of course, please remember, podcasts are not [01:30:25] therapy and I'm not your therapist. Special thanks to Joey Rero for [01:30:30] this awesome theme song, half Awake and to Pods by Nick for production. [01:30:35] For help navigating the impact of the gender craze on your family, be sure [01:30:40] to check out my program for parents, ROGD, repair.[01:30:45]

[01:30:45] Stephanie: Any resource you heard mentioned on this show plus how to get in touch with me [01:30:50] can all be found in the notes and links below Rain or shine. [01:30:55] I hope you'll step outside to breathe the air today in the words of [01:31:00] Max Airman. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it [01:31:05] is still a beautiful [01:31:10] [01:31:15] [01:31:20] [01:31:25] [01:31:30] [01:31:35] [01:31:40] world.